Intolerable

"Intolerance betrays want of faith in one's cause"- Mahatma Gandhi.

There's this change going on in my department. Work's being reshuffled around and we have timelines, get it done and move on to your new role. While no one is big on CHANGE, I've been through too many changes in most of my workplace to know that you've gotta do what you've gotta do else you'll just have to ship out, but it's not any rosier elsewhere. We have to stay lean and that's all there is to it. In the past, we don't give much thought to it. Just get going and do it. Because we understood. Staying lean is all that matters because that's what helps to keep you EMPLOYED.

But not this company. People have been spoilt. People are ignorant to the global recession that is looming towards us. While it's good to make the best of it and try to carve a better workplace for yourself, it should not be at the expense of others. It gets intolerable when it affects my work. While I would rather move on and have the transition done asap, others are taking a stroll, stalling for a hidden agenda. It didn't really bother me at first, but when one starts to churn excuse after another, now that's just unprofessional. Postponing and avoiding meetings, throwing new 'info' that only further stalls the transition, I mean that is just so 'low' and not to mention plain immature.

And why do I say people are spoilt. I went through recession without any pay increment, no bonus for 2 years. And to be moved project after project in different locations for different clients, for 3 years. In another company for 2 years, I commuted few times in a day to 2 different plants with no additional allowance. My work has always been ever changing and really we just need to embrace it.

Nobody likes to go to work like you're on a battlezone. Everyone has lost their objective just like any war. I just want to get on with my work, but yeah, intolerance is getting in the way. But what do i do? I could complain. Or I could try to reason out, but the hidden agenda would make all dicussion infutile anyways. I have made sure I send my point across though. Like it or not.

Old Friends

I met WY today and it's been almost 6 months since we last met. But the funny thing about old friends is that we immediately get into our childish mode when we meet. Never mind that it's in the office (and a rather serious one I must add). I knew her when we were 13 for god's sake. Makes me forget that I am a grown 33 year old , a wife and a 'worker'. We exchanged stories and really at some point I think it made me remember those carefree days at the lower hall and me, WY and imn were sitting idly talking rubbish waiting to get into class. Yar that's the effect some friends have on me. Like when SC called me last week. She is someone I sat with halfway through form 1 because I was too noisy. We never were in the same school after form 5 but our friendship prevails till today. Odd right? Same as for Wawa. We found a brilliant way to call each other last Friday and that can be hard on a different time zone but we did it anyways and it was like gossiping over coffee of the day all over again. I guess nothing comes without effort. If you feel you are falling out from your friends, ask yourself if you have really neglected them. Some friends understand that you have your obligations and trust that when they need you the most you'd be available anyways. I like to think that I can be that kind of friend. Not just a friend to hang out with. But a friend you can count on.

One or Two?

One of my colleague told me that parents who opt for having only one child are selfish. I ask why. He said that well it's selfish because the kid would not have any playmates and would grow up as a lonely child and to face the world alone after the parents are gone. I never thought of it that way. 'but it could be because people can't afford more than one kid these day' I tried to explain. He said well that is just nonsense because people of our parents generation used to have more than two children and they did just fine. And we are supposedly better off now comparatively. 'but people also marry late these days, hence it could also be a fertility issue' I said. His answer is simply why wait. I do know some people who were so sure they would not have kids...ever. But accidents happen and they bite on their own words later on. And then there is another woman who is also so sure she would not ever have kids. Simply because they are annoying. Really? Is that really a good enough reason? I wonder if it is something that needs reasoning anymore. Why would someone try to justify to bunch of nobodies like us, unless she is really only trying to justify her own self. It is hard enough to decide on having a child at all, let alone having one or two. I say, it is all in god's will. Why fret?

Beh Tahan

There are just some thing that really get on my nerves......
-Older people who think that they are wiser than u just because.
-People who are dismissive. Shuts u off before you can lay your case.
-People who don't listen. And ends up making you repeat and repeat. Or it could be that they didn't really care in the first place.
-Honestly, lately I am sick of people who are vulgar. Using the f word excessively. Or cracking sexist jokes and using vulgarities then expecting you to laugh.
-Pretentious people who tries to be a Brit/American/Australian ..talks relentlessly about it, speak with a fake accent and idolize them. It doesn't matter how long you have been there. You are a Malaysian through and through.
-Opportunists. Pounce on you before you know it.
-Materialistic people. Although we all would have some wants and that's truly ok. It's another thing to fb and show it off or making it a STANDARD. So I like fugly slippers because they are comfortable. And use functional handbags and not those branded ones.speaking of that, people seems to have lack of respect for other people's choices, and judge too quickly. So what if I like kopitiam kopi O compared to Starbucks? People give themselves such a a hard time sometimes trying to appear to be uppity and missing out all the good things.
-Forcing tradition on others. I think really this is a matter of choice. Same goes with religion. But I'll respects yours even if u do not respect mine. What I hate most are people who only preach but their action speaks otherwise. I wish I could tell these people sometimes. Before u do charity elsewhere, why not channel it to your family first. Why is that so hard to comprehend? Does being recognized as generous by the public or strangers more important than your own family's recognition?
-People baffles me at times. At times I try to say nice things or just appear to be polite so as not to offend others, but people treat this as a c'mon to be rude to me. Would it be better if I just shut up altogether.

However in all honesty, I still try my best to talk some sense or just say my peace. Sometimes I just wanna get it off my chest because life really is just too short to brush it off and keep quiet about it. People can choose to be ignorant but you shouldn't. At least I can say I tried.

Retreat

As I grow older, I realize why my good friend HG left KL, then to Singapore and finally settling in Ipoh for the rest of his life. He used to tell me he's sick of it all, the traffic jam in KL, the superficiality of Singapore and that he could not fit in with those people at all, being an introvert also does not help. I thought he was just being too darn difficult.

But it does get you thinking...life's less complicated for him now, and he's not stuck in a traffic jam, people in Ipoh are also generally nicer and maybe just less competitive compared to his colleagues in Singapore.

I'm surrounded with kiasu colleagues here, and office politics just get more and more nonsensical as I changed to a bigger MNC, perhaps because as I get older, I'm more aware of it all and know when or whom to stay away from. Everyday I gotta wake up early and try my best and come home early to beat the traffic jam and to cook a decent meal (also because we'll be stuck in traffic if we went out for dinner). And then, I have to work nights doing conference calls then retire for bed at 12 or 1am. Yes it does get you thinking, how can things get better. Andrew was just commenting yesterday that we've both been working nights and really it doesn't leave us much time to do anything else (i mean hobbies etc,), usually an hour before sleep we try to watch a movie in front of the idiot box.

Not that I would jump on the wagon and move to some remote place, but I think we all can be open about how to improve the quality of our lives.

An Unexpected Offer

An ex-client of mine called me up today and gave me a job offer. I worked briefly for her about 6 months about a year ago. It was one of those horrible projects that was doomed and no one wanted to do it. We didn't talk much and really it was very much a lot of project deliverables that was heavily scrutinized. I never really thought that I was really good at what I was doing because it was my first hand at recruitment. I was not really confident but gave a shot at it and learning as I carried on. The environment was very hostile because I was an on-site supplier. I got an incredible affirmation today when she unexpectedly told me that everytime she though of recruiting she always thought of me! Wow, and she's a corporate figure and held the role of HR director when I knew her. Sometimes we just need these little affirmation to keep us going. Thank you AC.

Miri Miri

It was a week in Miri for a training on negotiations and it was great learnings. You never know how much you really sucked until you attend this training, and practise with your peers, so at the same time you get to compare yourself with your peers. Asians tend to use less key words and speak less, and if they speak a lot, it's usually beating around the bush trying to make a point :) . I did however get to meet some Brunei-ans, and I think most people (even themselves think so!) agree that they are somewhat more aggressive and authoritative (or it could be just too superior-complexed).

Miri itself was a wonderful find. At first I thought I could never live there. Then I kind of liked the tranquility and simplicity of the place. People were generally nicer (or maybe I"m just lucky). My colleague in Miri was full of pride of Miri, showing us this and that as we took a stroll. I think you could ronda the whole town in 1 hour. Another colleague was eager to take us to the Tamu and the Heritage center, and excitedly showed us how to eat the buah salak.

Miri-Brunei relationship is somewhat like Johor-Singapore. It's amusing when they tell us stories about Brunei coming to Miri for grocery and Miri going to Brunei for the cinema!

Should consider cuti-cuti Malaysia and see more of Malaysia really. I just can't get enough of it.

bersih 2.0

another landmark event on the 9th july 2011. let's hope we materialize this effort during the upcoming election.

Attention Seekers

I had an interesting conversation with someone who said that growing up she knew that she never belonged in the popular group. I think so was I. I didn't really know why and didn't care really why some girls in my class always wants to be either the smartest, the prettiest, the most athletic, and the most popular. I'm sure most of them had wanted to be the best in what they do. But that girl who always wants to be the MOST POPULAR are usually an attention seeker.

That has never changed even at work. Someone is always wanting to be the MOST POPULAR. You have to understand that I've seen these kind of people year in year out all my life so yeah, I can easily spot one! They will do anything to get attention. Well, really if you ask me, I dont really give a damn. What I find really sorely disappointing is that these attention seekers usually are very self centered.

You know, those who are really saying something to you but not really conversing with you, because their eyes shift elsewhere, or their saying something that usually CENTERS around them. Example: if I say, hey I just bought a new car. Mr Popularity may just say, "what car did you get? Ohyea, and you know I've driven so many cars, porsches, beemers, merc blablabla. Like just last week i went on a trip to see F1...complimentary tickets...blablablabla...." And all the time, Mr Popularity is not really looking at you, but it looks like he is rather making a statement and ANNOUNCING it to anyone he thinks could hear. You get the drift.

So in short, Attention Seekers are usually not attentative to what you tell them. Test them. Ask them if they remember something you told them about. I have the same people asking me about whether I'm married or whether I have kids (I dont have one). It'll be like " hey, who's taking care of your child while you're away?", "when did you get married again?" " how old is your child again?" Now that just really pisses me off. I mean, I dont really demand for someone to be tentative to trivial stuff like how many moles I have (in case I may hv flippantly mentioned that), or when is my menstrual cycle, or how many annual leave I have...blablabla. But I would at least someone to remember if I was married or not! hahaha, or have a kid or not!

SO that's why, I've always stayed away from attention seekers. We have nothing in common and really the conversations are usually dry (cause always talking about them mah). I must say there are some people who are popular, or who may be attention seekers, but they are still able to give you that equal attention you deserve. But very rare lah. You know, 80/20 rule. Have you met one?

Club Med

I just got back from a dept trip to Club Med. The rooms condition were bad but I guess that's because we didnt get the newly refurbished ones. On a more positive note, I had a lot of fun playing games and games and games. :) Drinks were free flow but I did not drink much. RM1K seems pretty OK if you consider the food, liquor, activities, the sun, fun and yoga by the beach etc etc etc, for 3 days 2 nights. It was actually not too bad. Lots of bonding and having fun. I especially liked badminton and yoga by the beach ...it felt blissful to be away from everything. I didnt have to think about bills, housework, work, etc etc. The moment I came home, all the stress comes flooding in. :( All in all, it was good times and am glad I went despite all the uncertainties ( we had an awful program that had a lot of indoor games- that was scrapped last minute :) )

Another Casualty

Yet another casualty in marriage! A good friend of mine just announced that he's getting a divorce 4 years and a child later. The reason was plainly he has never loved her before! And really folks, this is not the first time I'm hearing this, whether from a female friend, or a male friend.

And it's always about settling for 2nd best, or that out of obligation that they stayed on with the partner, well yeah, after 7-8 years of paktoh-ing. Or that they realize just too late that they were not really compatible with their partners....

Makes you wonder if the underlying reason is because we do not spend enough time to assess our partners and measure our compatibility? Or did we marry because of peer and family pressure, or just the pressure to just settle down, get married, have kids the whole works of it all? Or is it because we in general no longer hold dear the matrimony of marriage hence we can't commit ? Or do we just take our partners for granted after few years, and think you deserve better after all?

While everything is fluffy and nice in the beginnings of a marriage, things get real ugly when you're getting through a divorce. My friend is going through paranoia, anxiety, worry, fear, etc etc. Suddenly you need to get a lawyer just to put your rights and thoughts in perspective, especially if there's a child involved in the whole equation. People get so jaded these days and would just say "Aiya, so common nowadays", "it will take 2 years tops, and let me know if you need me to introduce my lawyer to you".

It's kinda sad to know that in the expense of progress and modernization, I find people take marriage too lightly, and I could say many of my friends do take their partners for granted. I say, take a step back, and think hard. Marriage is a union, not a game.

OCD???????

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: I was helping a friend last night coming up with a checklist of everything that we need to ensure would be in order for an upcoming trip. And she said to unleash the OCD in me and think of everything that could ever go wrong or any nitty gritty details that we could have missed out.

Scary, I really find myself filled with paranoia and trying to literally cover ALL bases to ensure that nothing gets through my claws really. While this could be a good trait at work, because you don't get anything pass you, it can be really exhausting because you tend to be really hard on yourself since you are your own benchmark! Not that you can help it. OCD mah.

Like, I could never leave home if I was to spot a pillow that's not sitting perfectly upright on the couch. I've tried to just not do anything about it and LEAVE. But I'll be thinking about it the whole damn day and so as soon as I come home, I'll spank the pillow up and make sure it's straight! Gosh. There's just this nagging feeling in me where I gotta have everything in an orderly manner, I practically have everything at the same position, like the coasters, the plates etc.

So you can't imagine what's it like when I cook. The amount of cleaning I gotta do after each meal. *Groan* My mom was saying how lucky that my husband doesn't get to enter the kitchen at all....That's because his cleaning is never good enough for me! Sigh. Sometimes I would re-wash whatever he's washed...secretly, else he'll think I'm a cuckoo. (well, now he'll know when he reads this!).

While I dont think my house is spick and span....I know for sure that everything sits in a straight line and in order too. I dont just do spring cleaning once a year but every now and then, ya know. The funny thing is that my dad called me WORM when I was a child because of that, I was always arranging stuff at home!

Exhausting but I wonder, who else out there share the same predicament?

Facebook

Hey, I use facebook all the time. I use it to keep in touch with friends, to stay connected and drop a comment or two for fun, and if it's anything personal, I would send them a message. I guess there is no hard and fast rule on how to use facebook. it's your space and your right.

and it's also other people's right who perhaps find you offensive or for many other reasons then other people could also either HIDE all posts by your, or UNFRIEND you. Either way, facebook is all about freedom of speech and expression!

And so yeah, I may have then UNFRIEND you because:

1) you're constantly ranting about where you've been and how's it compared to all the other places you've been. There's a big difference between "i love taiwan a lot and would love to go there again" and "customer service in first class en route to Frankfurt, SIA anytime etc etc". While I would love to hear about where you've been, I don't like reading people telling me about places but intentionally dropping hints what a jetsetter you are.

2) you're getting way overboard with the mushies with your other half. while it's nice to see you post about how you've celebrated your anniversary, or even how you had a great wedding ceremony etc, I don't need to see declaration of love CONSTANTLY or 'hubby: muaks" etc and the exchange of love goes on and on and on.

3) you try to appear mystical and ethereal by posting status that is an open ended clue or a riddle that with underlying emo-ness. If you have something to say, be transparent, else take it offline. I just dont know how to react to status updates that are too emo.

4) you can't shutup! while I love to hear about you, I dont need to hear about you EVERY FUCKING HOUR. there are just some people who updates about waking up, then going to toilet, then going for breakfast, then to lunch, then work, then getting off work, then about the jam, dinner, then about going to sleep, or not going to sleep, or about to sleep or just not getting enough sleep! OMG. it's information overload and nonsense for one thing!

5) you spread rumours on facebook. I think most of us have been victims at some point in the facebook world. like the little rumor that i was pregnant before my wedding. nuff said.

Diam Diam Ubi Berisi

There's this colleague of mine who never fails to surprise me. And she's a character that interests me since she's quiet but always ever charming if she wants to. I've slowly discovered new things about her and joked that she was a suppressed extrovert and became an introvert involuntarily! Well yesterday, after maybe 4 months long on a team event, she finally made known that she was not happy about being excluded in some discussion although she was part of a selected group in the team to come up with the activities. Well, one thing I must say, as she didn't voice out, so no one really knew. But at the same time, since our company is all about Diversity and Inclusiveness, then someone should have made an effort to include her in. People shouldn't conveniently forget and exclude someone just because she is quiet! I've always been the type that tries to include everyone, especially if you're in the leadership team, you tend to seek opinion from everyone because those who are quiet, sometimes they are withholding some very good ideas because they are shy, so at times just needs to be coaxed or feel that they are part of the team. I find this lacking in the younger generation. The fine personal touch and the sensitivity that you need to make a team work.

Things just seems easier in the past, when leaders were real leaders. When things were simplified and everyone has a common goal : GET THE WORK DONE.

Sad News

My parents said that Rota, my sister's Cambodian maid, has not called home since Jan. And although normally the maids are not allowed to call home for fear that they may get distracted, my mom bought her a calling card anyways. Rota is a mother of 2. I cannot imagine how it must feel to leave your children for 2 years. I finally managed to get through to her husband, after figuring out the country code etc. When she was done, she announced to all of us that her sister passed away and then she broke down and started crying. I gave her a box of tissues and we left her be so she can mourn. 10minutes later, she was back at work, sweeping and washing the dishes. Whilst some of us spoilt ones here, we rant about almost anything, and cry at the slightest, makes us all just seem a little dramatic now. I asked if she was Ok, and she told me and my mom that her niece passed away too! The niece was bit by a stray dog and never healed, so she passed away 3 months later! She told me that she has instructed her husband to fetch her children from her mom's place because there are a lot of dogs there too.

There's a lot of determination and strength in this woman. Never demanding and ever smiling. She continued her work and steers forward.

Customer Service

I have been for the past 2 weeks waiting for someone in my company to deliver my monitor that is already in the store. 2 weeks! Tell me how is that more efficient that the ah kow in a chinafied grocery store that can deliver 1 tong of gas in 1 hour? I dont get it. In the name of the cyberworld and where everything is computerized, I have more emails flying here and there trying to figure out who to deliver the actual goods to me. In the midst of all the chaos, the IT helpdesk has the cheek to INFORM me that they are closing my ticket because in THEIR dept, in terms of getting the other party to acknowledge that an order is already in place, it's a done deal and they can close it. I was like 'HULLO, I still don't have the monitor........" As far as I'm concerned it's all CYBERTALK! talk cock indeed. Wtf. we're better off with the ahbeng in Lowyat.

Pah's Getting Married!

Finally, Pah's getting married this weekend! Although Tih's not here but Tih's been getting updates from me, so you can imagine how excited we are over this. Yeah me, Tih and Pah go way way back.

Our friendship hit the high note (dont know how to describe it !) when we met up again in university. She was one of those who you can really connect on so many levels because we really 'grew up' together. I've seen her through breakups, graduation, working life, new life, being Mrs. Khor really, made me happy even seeing her trying on her evening gown. Weird right, but I guess that's what friendship does to you. :) She also saw me through some of the happiest and worst time of my life.

She's going through the same jitters and worry right now in preparation for her big day tomorrow. Although I do think she's way more calm and less kelam kabut. If you're reading this Kye, think of the bigger picture, there's more to life after the whole ordeal! It will make the nitty gritty details seems insignificant. Embrace the new life as Mr and Mrs Khor! Congrats!

Friendship at Work

I was just reading an article the other day about sustainability at work and how important friends/peers are at work. I could not agree more. It's also our natural instinct to find our niche group when we are at work. People you can connect with and most importantly, people that you trust. And when I say trust, there are many levels of trust that is REQUIRED at work.

I looked back on my previous employments and realize that the friendships I built over the years were great, although not all of them lasted, and some of them went bust immediately as soon as I left the company. I guess it's inevitable. Think about it. As the article points out, the most common topic is about the boss! Or the management.

Nevertheless, it's hard to be a lone ranger at work. I never want to be that lone ranger just because I'm the type who looks forward for lunch and would at my utmost gather people to lunch with me. Dont get me wrong, I can eat alone as I used to eat alone not by choice. But why be the hermit if you can lunch with others. It's sometimes a MUCH NEEDED break from the hustle and bustle in front of the idiot screen (the pc monitor is the idiot screen for me). I need people time after too much of virtual 'interaction' on the internet.

Of course there are some who prefer to be hermits, and if so, let them be and dont try to bug them because everyone has to respect that. Some people just prefer to be private and because some of us spend almost 10-12 hours at work, so maybe they just need their space. Unfortunately there are some bosses who force you into situations where you have to interact involuntarily, I mean why? I understand the need to be visible at work, but what works for you may not necessarily work for another.

Has anyone build a friendship with their boss?? There is always an unsaid barrier. I don't know sometimes if it warrants to be called a friendship. I know there is always mutual respect (well, not all of them!) and sometimes some paranoia from either party! I know none of my bosses have made it on my facebook, that's for sure! But then again, I know some people who are not really 'friends' on facebook , but that's a whole other topic!

I do have friends at work that I hold dear too, although it saddens me that sometimes friends at work come and go, but the least I would do is to stay optimistic. Not all friendships are meant to be, and not seeing them everyday at work doesn't mean the friendship is bust.

Pet Peeves

1) People who don't pay attention

2) People who do not queue

3) People who interrupts you when you're speaking

4) Chinese people who speak Cantonese/Mandarin even though there are people of different races in the group.

5) Judgemental people - who judge too quickly. What you see is not necessarily as what you think.

6) Dirty toilets and wet toilet seats (cmon)

7) Poor customer service- whether banking, restaurants or mobile service provider etc. but I think i've learnt to come into terms with that. :)

8) People who are self centered. Usually these people also falls under #1 and #3 because chances are they dont pay attention to what you're saying hence would keep interrupting you when you're trying to convey something.

9) HYPOCRITES. HYPOCRITES. HYPOCRITES.

10) Verbal Abuse. Form of abuse without inflicting physical pain but can cause long term psychological damage.

Omission is a form of Betrayal

Years ago, I wrote about this, about how omitting the truth is also a form of betrayal. Recently a good friend of mine reminded me of that again. He has is already attached but has a reputation for being really popular with the ladies at work. I've known him for a while and knows that he flirts harmlessly although he denies it and says he treats all of them as friends. HAHA. I then pointed out that he treats me as a FRIEND and not the rest, oh no. I also pointed out that if truly he treats them as friends, then why's he TRYING so hard to justify it to me. (we have a friendship setting that allows me to question him like this :))

I guess that caught him a little bit, that yes, it may be harmless flirting, but he's leading them on nevertheless. And while he's doing all this, the trusting girlfriend suspects nothing. And yes perhaps things that you do not know doesn't hurt you, it doesn't make it right either.

And mind you, just days ago he was telling me about his indecisiveness to take the relationship further by tying the knot. And so I've pointed out that let's work on you giving up the whole 'forest' for one single tree first before you worry about anything else.:) We've already established that the girl is the ONE for him, but is he the right one for her. Just because she is unaware of his 'activity' at work, it doesnt mean it's alright. If I knew my husband is flirting with other girls and forming a reputation for that on top of it all, I would be very disappointed.

Any relationship is built on Trust. Let's get that right.

The Zen Me

Recently I had a conversation with a colleague of mine. She's a real talent but sometimes can be perceived as too ambitious, but really I dont think there's anything wrong with that. In fact I told her to just be herself and not to worry too much. Although I did say at times being too much of a perfectionist can sometimes backfire. Especially if you're a leader, while trying to seek perfection from your team, there should be a balance in matching every individual's wants & needs, and interest. You can't force your level of perfection on others. In short, as what Tache always say, if you can't change the world, change yourself. I hope she took my advice well, as I do see she has potential, just that she's pissed off many people along the way and in my opinion, really unintentionally. Life's a bummer, right?

She did however pointed out that I am a real optimist, always seeing the good in everything. See there was something she did that may have pissed everyone, but not me, as I thought it was not entirely her fault. I guess she knew I didnt think of her that way hence we talked about it. Well, I mean, what's wrong with giving people benefit of the doubt. Nothing to lose mah. And I'll rather not harp on who's to blame but rather what to do next? She thinks that because of my demeanor, people tend to relax around me and confide in me, and that I bring out the zen in others (Wow....hahaha). Which was why some of our colleagues are close to me, in which she says that it is an advantage. If I'm ambitious, then it'll work out for me because no one would suspect anything and take people by surprise. If i'm not ambitious, well I'll just breeze through work and have lots of friends and support along the way.

Fortunately, I'm not really ambitious, although I do want to excel in what I do, I dont really think too much of it. There's really more to life and I want to make sure I dont miss out on the other good stuff. She thinks I have potential to go further, but really to be honest, it's not the first time I hear this, but I'll rather keep a low profile, because I think that's the key to survival. I'll rather be happy going to work and be left alone to do my work. Everyone measures job satisfaction differently. You may think I'm too complacent, but then, why not?

News

This week was full of news. Good and bad. But I dont think it is bad news as it's always good to know and find a solution rather than sweeping it under the carpet. That's what Mom said. It's amazing what our family has gone through over the past decade that nothing fazes us anymore. It is a test of faith and we just need to move along and confront it with a smile really. Although there are some of us in the family who cannot do anything, it's really alright because sometimes a little support is all one needs. Afterall we are not the one who has to go under the knife. So just move along and not fret over it. It is life and no point to be miserable about it.

Mom and dad are amazing. As sis broke the news to dad, he was calm as usual. I then broke the news to mom and she was objective, only asking when does sis need her, not bothering with the details of the medical complications. She said "ahhh, we've been through similar crisis, you guys gotta give me more credit, I can handle anything...hehe". Sometimes we forget mom's a trouper. Tache seems fine (maybe that little episod you had over new year was timely!) and crazily she reminded me of mom - being objective about it all. So anyways, I remember she once told me that if you can't change the world, change yourself! or change how we react to things.

So here's wishing Alvyn all the best. We may not be able to do anything but we support you! Just focus on taking care of yourself, because taking care of yourself means taking care of your family. Good Luck!

Staying Positive at Work

Easier said than done really but I think it's really mind over matter at times... (unless everyday you feel like killing yourself or someone or everyone at work!). I tend to make it a point to LOVE going to work every morning. I love it that in the mornings I'm the first one there for the normal day shift. There are those from the night shift that would linger on and I'll chat with one or 2 of them. It's also my quiet time to catch up with emails while having my morning drink. Well I start at 7am and people only start trickling in at 9am! so it's a good 2 solid hours of power hour just replying or doing some work quietly.

I spend my mornings also catching up with colleagues even if it's just a short chat. The morning drags on until 11am and I'll be anticipating lunch! Nowadays it's just bread or a snack at the panty, but you know, we need that short break. Talk cock sing song or just to have a meaningless chatter at lunch is really rejuvenating. A break from really serious stuff.

Because not long after that, it's power hour in the afternoon. My afternoons tend to be short since I leave at 4 or 4.30pm. I make it a point to go home ontime because really there's no point in dragging work till late evening when you're out of focus and feeling HUNGRY. Anything can wait till the next day really. One more email is not going to make any difference!

And that's how I stay positive at work. Friends, endless chatter (this has worked in all my jobs!), lunch, and in general just make every hour worthwhile so you dont have to stay till late evening.

Idealism

A friend of mine today asked me if she is being too idealistic at times ..to a point she's losing realism of things. But why, I ask her? It's OK to hold on to your idealism.... We need that sometimes. And whatever that keeps you going, you should keep it.

Many times, I hear people who says they are jaded. That oh, they are too old for that kind of idealism, that they are living in the 'real' world. But, really, I don't think there's anything wrong with being naive at times. Ask stupid questions if you have to. It's better than not to ask at all!

It's Ok to think corruption is bad and that you wish things were better. It's really better than just accepting it. Really, one day are we going to be so jaded that we're going to walk away when we see wrongdoings right at our face? Just dismiss it that oh, that's the real world we live in....I mean no wonder Malaysia is in the state that it's in. People just sit down there and criticize Dr M for trying to have a national car for Malaysia, but hey, at least he had a dream. At least he had an idealism, of what Malaysia could be.

I told my friend to hold on to it. It's OK and it's what keeps us motivated. People who are jaded I think are just lazy at times. Yes some thinks it's being realistic, but there are some who just can't be bothered even though they can do something about it. Now that's just sad.

Child Abuse

In UNICEF today, I heard them say that child abuse is not only abuse in a physical form but also mentally and emotionally. Some people that I see verbally abusing their child but sadly, they do not realize it is a form of abuse! Humiliation is one of it. Intimidation and dismissing a child is also a form of abuse.

"Emotional abuse can be the most difficult to identify because there are usually no outward signs of the abuse. Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause damage just as physical abuse does."

Perhaps Asians do it so often that they dont realize it. But how many of you have witnessed verbal abuse in some form here? Like telling a child that he would never amount to anything, dismissing a child whenever he attempts at anything because well, he's never done good in anything so why should it be any different now?, or ignoring a child's opinion disregarding his take on anything, bullying the child by jeering and throwing insults at him (sadly, I do sometimes see this, why? ).

Look around you, and stop verbal abuse.

Responsibility

It is such a big and serious word. It's something we Asians are proud of, that we carry that in WHATEVER we do. Whether in performing our duties as first a child, a student, an employee, an employer, a father/mother as we live. We try to fulfill to our best what we define as a responsibility.

But when do we stop? It's a fair line, I'd say between responsibility and a doormat. Some people take advantage of you, and sometimes even your relative or family can do that to you too. I've always believed that even if someone is taking advantage of me, depending on how severe, and if it's part of fulfilling my responsibility, JUST DO IT. Because I have faith in god and that god is watching over us anyways. And now you'd ask, how to just the severity of it. If it was just for a meal, heck, it's Ok. If we're talking about millions of dollars and I can afford it, WHY NOT.

But if someone is manipulating your sense of responsibility to their full advantage, to help to upkeep their lives...and to obviously make a fool out of you, well then maybe it's time to call it quits. I'm thankful that my parents have never made me feel that I am forced to fulfill my responsibility, the way that they have treated me, it's an honor for me to be able to take them out for dinner, to buy them something/anything just because they've never ever wanted anything from me. I've never felt that I was burdened or that I'm carrying a weight of responsibility. Not many people know what a luxury that is. That's because I know some people who hold their kids ransom just because they think they reserve the rights to do so as the people who brought them to life in this world. A friend of mine said he's never asked to be brought into this world, and so why should his parents think that he has to fulfill his duties as a son. That's really not a filial thing to say. But matters of the heart is complicated. he cannot control how he feels and you can't tell someone you CANNOT feel that way.

For this, I'm thankful. And some parents do not know that the more they push the child to feel responsible for them, the more they shy away from them.

Us and Technology

When you want to organize a party...

Put up a facebook invitation. I know it's not cool to invite someone to a wedding via facebook invitation, but it's good to be used as a tracker I think. Just so you dont miss anyone out. But a personal call I think is still necessary. Keep the brotherhood and sisterhood alive!

When you want to call someone..

It wasn't good enough to be able to just make a phone call, it had to be via a mobile phone, facebook, iphone, whatsapp. I remember I had to locate a relative about a death in the family, and because his phone was switched off while in the US, i had to facebook his SON. it took 1 week of calling, and finally 1 day via Facebook to locate him. When I initially started using ICQ, then MSN Messenger, I thought wow, the world is flat. Then we have Skype, gChat, etc, and now my office Communicator I can make calls and people can call me via the communicator without having a phone at all. But I dunno about you, but we're so accessible these days, that I secretly switch off everything at times. I dont switch on my fbchat....or my messenger anymore, and only gchat occasionally. the office communicator is enough to keep me busy and that's not something i can opt to switch off unfortunately!

When you want to have a face to face meeting...

It used to be when we had to set up a f2f meeting, brave the traffic jam and get to someone's office. I missed that really, despite the jam. Nothing like interpersonal touch. Now, we have to skype, video conferencing, livemeeting etc, and if all fails, just do a conference call? It's been years of working really in a virtual environment but I never got the itch off wondering how the other person in the other side of the world looks like. Hey this also reduce travel :( at work.

When you want to find a restaurant to eat...

We used to rely on word of mouth, calling someone "eh tell me how to get there". Now we have food blogs to do research, iPhone apps to read reviews...GPS to take us there. I was eating at a restaurant yesterday and Andrew was pissed off because of the portion served was really small, and it was highly recommended by food bloggers (WTF) , overrated, and we went to the one next door which was our favourite. Anyways, Andrew immediately commented via an app called Foursquare to review (i know, i should ban iphone-ing semasa makan soon). There's no chance to be shortchanged these days, but then you get dumbo, blogging-for-money idiots who has no whatsoever culinary sense. Hey someone should blog about these stupid food bloggers. I understand disclaimers that it's based on individual's taste, but cmon, Coffee Chemistry in Giza? Betty Midwest Kitchen in Aman Suria? gosh.

For travelling purpose...

I used to rely on wikipedia and Lonely Planet and all sorts of guide books for information. Nowadays, because we're so busy, all research done is really last minute, and only when I actually get on the plane that I have a blank mind to finally go with full force on a holiday. So, with technology actually, it has been so much more convenient to check for info, either via GPS, or via iPhone apps, or via internet cafes/kiosks that are everywhere in any country. No more heavy books!

And so, there are pros and cons. But embrace technology if it makes sense. But what makes sense is subjective to the individual. E.g. I dont sms or fb my mom. She smses me one liners at times. "come for dinner", and I'll call her back. My dad's a little bit more technology savvy so I read his blog and smses him. hehe. But we make it a point to see them FACE TO FACE every week. The presence is important. I dont like my coffee-of-the-day with imn and eva virtually :( because there's nothing like a live gossip! So same as work life balance, we need to have a life techno balance. It that makes sense at all. Haha.

worryWart

Well into my early 30s....it has got me thinking about a lot of things. Weiyi used to say that i'm a worry wart. itulah inilah..etc etc. Because of this I bulldozed through many things telling myself that really I worry too much about things I can't control. I'll be 40 by the time I make any decision at all!

And so, I've pretty much organized the whole wedding trying not to be a control freak. There were hits and misses but I'll rather remember the hits (that's what emelda advised me , thanks!). I was worried too about being married and not able to spend CNY with my parents. I guess I didnt give Andrew enough credit :), we're going back to my hometown for reunion dinner alternate year. He thought all that out even before me.

I also bought a car last week. I've never been the type who would change car like tukar baju. I was willing to hold on to my Kelisa as long as it is still (barely) in one piece! But my BIL called me and said he got a great offer for a 2nd hand car, and the fact that I drive to Cyberjaya (quite bahaya also le, driving that little kelisa weaving through the highway), and that my car is already 9 years old! If i waited any longer, I wouldnt be able to sell off my Kelisa. And so, without even seeing the car (putting a lot of trust in my dad and BIL judgement) i decided to just take the plunge.

I guess my mantra being turning 40 would hv to be stop worrying too much and just take the plunge. The question of having a child is inevitable. And I'll have to ask myself what's stopping me. I have enough love and support to take me through really. IN particular a friend of mine, I could see her maternal instincts kicking in already, even before she has tied the knot!) incredible what aging can do....

There are always challenges ahead, it sounds really corny, but with determination and faith, things always seems to work out right.

Vocal

Where I work now, visibility is everything. Everyone has to be vocal. And you want to be heard. But...there are some who just want it more than others. So people end up trying too hard. If you speak for the sake to be heard, then, you're insulting the rest of the people's intelligence. Because we know why you do this. But be visible for the right reasons.

The King's Speech

After watching 127 Hours, Black Swan, The Social Network....The King's Speech is definitely my Oscar pick. Totally impeccable acting by Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush and Helen Bonham Carter. I'm beginning to like these kinda movies that does not depend on a lot of visual effects (*ala michael bay*), simple plot (unlike the tourist *puke*), and really just pure good chemistry and momentum of the movie. Colin Firth was my favourite in this movie. Try and stammer like him, you'll know he definitely deserves the Best Actor award!

Junie

We just did her farewell in PD last week. She's leaving for Munich real soon to tie the knot with a great guy, and I'm really happy for her to have at long last find someone she loves, and to spend the rest of her life with. Sounds corny, but really that's how I feel, only because we've been friends for too long, that I know it is probably the biggest decision she's ever made.

And yes, we've been friends since in the kindie. Gosh. Then in primary school, we were in separate schools, but were reunited in secondary school (yar, Ipoh is that small!, we all eventually wind up together no matter how far we go). And our friendship has had ups and downs, just like any other, but I guess it's what that strengthens a relationship I think. There's no way we could have survived nearly 27 years (gulp) of friendship without a tiff or two. I've not always have spent more time with her as growing up I've gone on to separate college and university etc.

You see, she's lost her mother in her teens, and I guess I was too young to fully understand the impact it had on her. She recently told me, she envies me for the littlest things, I have my mother to consult on delicate issues, and sisters to share things and do things together, simple things like shopping! I guess we've always taken that for granted. She said she's always relied on friends for that kinda things, and well not all friends are free what with some being married, or attached or having their own family outings. You know, having a mother and a united family is really crucial when you have a wedding lined up, and I've learned to appreciate that from her.

I try to be that friend, and really it's good to be on the giving end. But recently I've also been on the receiving end from her. Not so much material or monetary wise, but just her support throughout the wedding preparations and just taking the stress out of everything by just being there and organizing things. I'm gonna miss that dearly. I'll miss her drama and opinions in choice of restaurants...in food, in clothes, how she always tells me to stop HUNCHING. haha.

There's really a lot of good qualities in her that she probably doesn't realize, take for example being sensitive to her friends needs... It's quite rare because everyone's so self-centered! Also the fact that she makes the effort to get to know someone's other half. You know half the time, the other halfs kena dragged to some outings, and really it's rude not to try and layan them, and really June does it so well. Definitely CORP COMM material! I'm kinda glad she hits it off so well with Andrew, kind of a great integration of great friends and the spouse. And you know, she's the kind of friend who's always upfront and REAL. I can always rely on her for a brutally honest opinion. No buttering up the truth. That's the kind of friend you want to hold on to.

I wish you the best June. By the time you read this, you'd be in Munich, but here's my way of celebrating our long friendship. auf Wiedersehen!

The Town

Great heist movie directed and co-written by Ben Affleck. Excellent script and the momentum of the movie is commendable, only because I've not seen one of such in a long time. Ben Affleck delivered one of his best performance I think, and check out Rebecca Hall, she's a looker, gives you the young Andie McDowell feel!

Kyra

Oh..it's my favourite (only!) niece's 5th birthday today. Still remember the first time I saw her was in the hospital in Singapore. She was a big girl and had a lot of hair. She had long fingernails and was scratching herself a lot, so she wore mittens most of the time. She wasn't really a fussy baby if i remember correctly. I remember how she used to hold her own bottle and always smiled. A happy baby for sure!

She's 5 today. What a nice little addition she's been in the family. She's a smart fella and have not failed to amuse me time and time again. Like how she always imitate imn (with the finger up her nose) still. Or when she'll pull her tongue out at me when no one's watching. I remember my days in Jakarta, while it was pretty good money but it was also godawful lonely at times being away from the family, and I always waited in anticipation for my sister to update the babybandit blog. After a while, I even shared it with my other Malaysian colleague because it's such a joy to see her growing up.

Thank god for facebook now. Because my sister has stopped updating the blog. (how horrific, it's like missing pages of babybandit's life!). So I get my updates on her via facebook these days. She recently did some nice drawings which I shamelessly shared with my new colleagues and my boss! Haha! She's not my kid but I'm so proud of her though.

The best drawing yet was the one she did for me and Andrew. Wow. I thought I'll have the heart to throw it away, so asked Andrew if he'll help me throw it away. But he said "huh...keep ler... !" And so now it's sitting somewhere in my house.

So here's a big big happy birthday to my niece. and may she grow up to be the princess that she is.

2010 ..... 2011.

Can't believe the year went by so fast. I felt it was a good year though. What do you think? I felt that I had a well rounded year, career, wealth, family, love, travel, all the works.

Of course the biggest highlight was us officiating our marriage by the wedding reception just few weeks ago. I was just telling Kye that you gotta let everyone you love know you're getting married so they'll make it to her wedding, because you'll want to feel the love around you on your big day. It's corny I know, but that's how I felt with my family reunited with Imn back, my parents, the Angs, and the Books, and all my jimuis and closest friends. The wedding was even better than I imagined it to be.

Family- Imn and Tache both moved to new places before the year ends. Kyra's a big girl now and Aaron's naughty as ever. Mom and Dad are still energetic as ever and without their support, emotionally and financially, perhaps our wedding would not have materialized. Tache's had enlightment this year, and yar, maybe we should tell our parents more often how much we love them. Affirmation is necessary!

Career wise, I've let go a major opportunity with my previous company after a promotion. But I'm happy with the decision and moving forward to something less stressful. Gone were the days when I'm crunching numbers and kpis, and trying to meet impossible goals. Now I have the flexibility to also spend some time on 'me' and other things that matters in my life. I'm embracing work life balance and I think that's important when you're in your 30s. No?

Travel- we've put on hold our travel plans and only made it to Macau and Jogjakarta this year. Both were birthday presents for each other :) Let's hope for more next year. But really, I'm happy with even just 2 little trips anywhere. Life's too short.

And so the year ends with a new beginning. 2011 promises a year full of love as hopefully Imn would have her tea ceremony here, and my closest friends (kye, june) are getting married, and I'm already gearing up for a CNY reunion with some SPC friends.

Black Swan

Absolutely riveting masterpiece, by the same guy who gave us The Wrestler, The Fountain (yucks). This movie is a genre of it's own. Reminds me of Harry Brown. Natalie Portman was great in her portrayal and all the hype is truly deserving. 2 Thumbs Up!

Honeymoon???

Everyone's been asking about where we're going for our honeymoon. I guess we've always been the unconventional couple, so even in the wedding itself, everything was really different and we did not really follow the standard rules. So for Honeymoon, well if only finances permitted it, we would have gone for a trip immediately after the wedding...but..

1) well, we had a lot of 'important' people in KL for the wedding, like Tache + family, Imn, Shauny...we couldnt possibly just leave...

2) I just started on a new job, and dont wanna be taking too many leaves already.

3) Andrew's still in the midst of his classes, haha, poor thing.

But we did set a few rules ..we've decided not to buy each other material gifts for our birthdays, instead, we'll buy each other trips! So our next birthday-cum-honeymoon is for Andrew's birthday in February! And it'll be a short trip to Phuket.

Any ideas where to stay in Phuket?

Keiko-San

Keiko-san was someone I met in my previous company. Combined fortune telling and headhunting is a lethal combo that makes her a great headhunter! She used to sit in a room just opposite me and always said that I hardly had time to talk to her as I was always immersed in work (or look like busy-neh!) or eyes glued to the screen. When I told her I was leaving the company, she read my fortune, and said that I was gonna soar high, but i'll have to be manning my own business to excel.

She came for my wedding reception at BSC. This time round, she read Andrew's. She mentioned to him that he'll have to be careful about his stress level, and be aware of the 'quality' of his friends. There are just people around you who manipulate your kindness so that it'll work to their benefit. I've encountered some, and we have to know who our real friends are! Keiko san said I have an eye for these kind of things, so Andrew should listen to me more. HAHAHA.

even more than ever now, her advise is something I'll carry with me wherever I go.

Yam Sengggggggggggg

It was a memorable 2-day affair. Some hits and misses. But it was fun and filled with happiness. The morning started off at 6am, mom was already awake cooking. Incredible. She made 5 dishes on top of the buffet spread- rojak, chicken curry, acar (nyonya style) etc. Imn woke up later to prepare the 'props' for the games later for the hengdais. Book and Alvyn went to collect the other goodies, while Tache and Erche were busy feeding the kids. Dad was the director, and had his cup of coffee for the morning. Can you feel the love already ? :)

The morning session went fine. Andrew was slightly late because he forgot the bouquet, and the fruit basket. That is despite me sending a sms reminder to one of his hengdais, knowing that Andrew may just forget. I guess guys are just not so good with details! haha. Shamila, Ming, Tzewei, Weiyi, Wantheng, Heeky, Yenbin, Herman, Eva, Siang were my jimuis. Although i've missed Karyee, Sookching, Huilarn, Chuilyn, Agnes, JUNE.

We didn't get lunch in the midst of all the chaos, so I had to call my sister to prepare some food for us to take away :( haha. In all the hype, everyone forgot to feed us! hehe

The 1st dinner was like an adrenaline rush. I was quite high and truly HAPPY. to see my relatives, to see my friends, ex-colleagues, everyone at the reception. It was quite funny how everyone kept mistaking me and Imn, hehe. I didn't waste much time, and before the 2nd dish, I was already gallivanting around the hall, making my rounds and greeting my guests. I didnt want to be the demure bride that sits on the main table ahhahahaa. Had a lot of fun. Shaun was the mc (had me in laughter), Tache the choreographer for the walk-in (guys, this is a very crucial task because...try keeping 2 kids on a leash and make them walk straight), Erche and Alvyn for the program and music, Imn especially for being the treasurer. Most restaurants want to be paid by the 1st half of the dinner, so, poor Imn missed about 4-5 dishes i think.

Mom and Dad were just fabulous. My guests after the wedding told me that my parents went round their tables and ejek Hisyam (the performer that night), and asked them to tapau, made them feel warm, and well, just being the fabulous hosts on our behalf. Andrew's mom did a good job in guest list, trust me everyone, it is not an easy task due to the limited seats. My mom was pretty flexible and I had a free hand in that.

If anything, I applaud my parents for being so understanding and flexible...these are things that made me feel it was really my wedding. Most couples I know would say "oh, that wedding is for my parents wan.....for show only, make the old folks happy onli". but I didnt feel that way. Maybe it's the Hainanese blood in me, I really love my relatives. I even invited some of mom's old friends from Teluk Intan that mom forgot, because I really love them. THey all watch me grow up, and it would not have been complete without their presence on my big day.

Andrew had a little episode and was drunk, not pissed drunk thank god, was still able to walk on his own, although Shauny had to put up with his trash talk haha, singing Oasis on the way home. He was in his new boxers ONLY at the balcony and Shauny had to keep him occupied while I try to 'dismantle" my makeup and hair.

2nd day was a little less dramatic, although Erche and Imn had to do up the reception, and the lovely spread. It was a wonderful surprise because it turned out better than I envisioned. THe photographs of truly US (not those bridal shoot) and Erche's spread. The spread was something I've always loved and wanted, but just didnt have the ability to assemble something like that. Tache had to man the reception with June for a while....hehehehe. And Tache/Alvyn took some great pictures. Candid and things I love. I had tache and alvyn this task because over the years, I've always loved the babybandit blog for the pictures and tache's wit, and Tache's shots in fb, that always made me happy. True enough, Tache/Alvyn's pics were great.Again Imn missed the food, and only got to the Main Course, busy counting money. I'll plan yours next year Imn!

The highlight was probably my dad's impromptu speech ....the song. Dad's declaration of his love to my mom after 43 years....because 12Dec is also their anniversary. There was a little mishap with the album I did for them which Imn and Tache fixed (thank god). Was a nice touch to the wedding as dad departed some wisdom to our friends who were either newlyweds, or attached, or new parents.

And last but not least, to sum it all up, as Andrew (in his drunk state) puts it, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.

And the Hardest Part.....

The day is near. My hardest stint yet. TO be a *&^*&^-ing bride. I aim to enjoy myself. because we can't please everyone. So let's hope everything falls into place, and if it doesnt, heck :) I hope everyone enjoys it though. We did the best we could with our budget. I just hope no one leaves sorely disappointed or hungry :( I'm touched and feel blessed with the love around me from my family. It's a nice feeling knowing that someone wants the wedding to be more perfect than you want it to be.

Secretly, I know I wanted this wedding to happen while my family's still intact, mum and dad are there to bless it, and all my sisters, brother-in-laws (except for Jason, but imn would represent him) and the little additions (aaron and kyra). That's what matters to me ...in the end. Not the flowers, or the gown, or the dinner... J shared with me her thoughts on wishing her grandma and mom were around to celebrate hers and it just broke my heart. I'm glad that I know now I would never have to feel that kind of loss. Especially on the most important day of my life.

I wish the events leading to the wedding day could be better, but no regrets. There are things that happen and no use being angsty about it. I cannot change the world! (says the wise Tache).

Auntie Connie

My Aunt recently had a heart attack, and had ballooning done to remove blockage on one artery. My mum was devastated. Another one in the family to be admitted to the hospital. I've just been with my mom in and out of hospitals for the past 2 months.

When we got to the hospital she was already in the CCU (Critical Care Unit) and was doing fine. Chatting like before maybe just less energetic! She's the mother of my cousin brother who was sent to Ipoh years ago for disciplinary care by my mom.

A simpleton who is always energetic and humble, she never fails to enlighten me at times, with very simplistic solutions and conclusions. You dont know how hard that is nowadays when people tend to complicate matters. Just the other day she was asking me about when my wedding day was, and how she was looking forward to it. Made me realize that indeed it's true that weddings are never just about the couple, but it's not really such a bad thing if we are priviledged enough to give our elderly relatives a chance to gather for an event. There are some relatives who rely on their sons/daughters to chauffeur them over, so really, a gathering in a big way is really rare these days.

Take a Chill Pill

To achieve a stress-free and a happy life, make a conscious effort to take a chill pill. Imn says i'm a control freak, and yeah, she knows me best! But I guess, if i wanna live longer, i'm gonna have to need a constant supply of chill pill! Takes a constant reminder in my head to tell myself...RELAX....RELAX!

1) work is just work. a channel to help u realize your other dreams, to wheel you towards your goal. why get upset over things you can't control? just be happy that we even have a job nowadays! people at work complain constantly, and you know wat? I'm happy because I've had it worse. And I didnt complain that much even then, because as I told tache, I love going to work. If at any point you're starting to dread going to work, well, it's just not working out then. so take a chill pill. no one says you HAVE to work there. no one says it's the ONLY job in the world.

2) You can't change others, so change yourself. That's something tache said the other day. which is so true. in my case, i apply it to the way i react to things these days. Sometimes, people annoy me, or they say negative things, and refuse to listen even though it's for the better. Well, I can't change how others feel or think, so I can only stop GETTING ANNOYED with anything. If i change how i react or if i just DO NOT REACT, i dont get annoyed or irked. ignorance can be bliss at times!

3) Nothing is Perfect. No one is perfect. Not everything has to fall in order in everything you set out to do. I learn that while planning THE WEDDING. believe me, the wedding is everything I didnt plan it out to be. And it's actually BETTER! there are some hits and misses, but I'm still happy. It's a product of imperfection and effort from everyone, so TAKE A CHILL PILL! the wedding coordinator at the restaurant today must be very happy. I didnt complain about the food, or ask for freebies, or requested for anything.

So everyone, take a chill pill today. we all need it to stay sane!

Power of Affirmation

I've learned so much from my tache that I can barely blog fast enough about it. Power of Affirmation. Definition of Affirmation: the assertion that something exists or is true.

I think we all go through life having a certain perception of ourselves. If people say you're ugly, you think you're ugly all your life. It's really nothing to do with your confidence, but what if those people were wrong? most of the time, we're influenced by your family and your closest friends. Some people carry very low esteem of themselves because of that.

Recently I got a thank you from a close friend. Said that I was so instrumental in helping him and that things I've said have really woke him up! An affirmation from a friend! I must say i was astounded. I didnt think that anything I said ever had any impact on anyone. And it made me feel really good seriously. And even my tache said that i'm actually quite wise. Wow. Talk about a boost in how much you value yourself. Wouldnt you want to give someone that?

So as my sister advised, start giving people affirmation. It's really a positive thing. if you think someone has made a change in your life, however small the impact, say thank you to that person. Today.

Say No to Angst

it was a weekend of education and enlightment that my eldest sister has brought to us. No more angst, and no more stress! It's really how you perceive things and deal with problems etc that makes a difference. Everything really starts to become clearer and less stressful if you'd just follow these mantra.

1) You can't change others. so change yourself. change the way you react to things that irks u.

2) do not carry stress at work back to your home. You will affect the people who are the closest to you.

3) say that you love your parents, or your friends. even if it takes a tear or two. take that step.

4) give affirmation to people who deserves it. and anytime. people do not realize that you are appreciative. go ahead and make her/his day.

Of course there are also some rules:

1) there's a fine line between arrogance and confidence.

2) between complacency and laziness.

3) positive energy attracts positive things. it's the law of attraction, so discard all negative energy from yourself!

Quote of the day

One cannot afford to be innocent in Malaysia.....

Exasperating

I cannot in my life, fanthom nor understand why in this world are there people who refuse to learn how to drive. They'll rather rely on others to chauffeur them, and that is only at another person's convenience. Perhaps it is fear, perhaps it is ignorance, perhaps it's lack of independence. I have no idea. I have been brought up independent and was gung-ho to learn how to drive, albeit driving my sister's old volks (which was a scary experience in the hilly Bukit Damansara at that time).

My mom, 64, drives herself everywhere, whenever, small car ke, big car ke, you name it. She has in history driven to Melaka, Teluk Intan, KL, Ipoh, brave the corners and nooks of KL and PJ, and now Subang.

My dad, 70, is still driving up and down from KL to Ipoh, and driving himself to work till this day.

A relative of ours was forced to learn how to drive, because her husband passed away, and well, really, in times of emergency, would you really rather hail a cab, call a cab, than to drive a car that is already at your doorstep? It might be a minute too late. All just because of ignorance.

Harry Brown

A surprisingly good movie. None of the Hollywood drama, real and disturbing. Gives an insight of the other side of UK. Not everything is rosy. They too are gripped with fear of hooligans and gangsterism, just like us. Comparable to Gran Torino, although I do think this is way better.

Mercy Killing

or better known as Euthanasia. Yesterday I took my mom to visit her old friend (well, she literally has all WHITE hair!) at the Pantai Hospital in ampang. it was her 10th surgery the day after, and almost a month and a half at the hospital. She has cancer, but she still was her same old positive self.

She told us that she was ejek-ing a doctor the other day that she was all out for Mercy Killing. She said that if a dog was suffering, the vet has no qualms about putting the dog to sleep, so why can't the same be done to a human being who is suffering as well. What is the point of suffering, she exclaimed. In her view, the doctors should speak up for the patients since euthanasia is illegal in Malaysia.

She said she's not afraid to die. "i can die anytime man" was what she said. What's good is life now anyways to be always on the operating table and lying in bed anyways. and she also said she's had enough of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. She was adamant to get out of the hospital and live on some holistic diet. Nevertheless, she's gungho about playing mahjong with mom again. haha

this is closely related to the movie "You Dont Know Jack" starring Al Pacino. Strikes a chord in my heart. The fine line between the choice of ending suffering or fighting a losing battle. Go watch it.

Complain

If there's any detox program that you should join, it's detox yourself from COMPLAINING. Think about it...it's TOXIC. It's something NEGATIVE. It's streneous just listening to it.. It's ANNOYING. It's DISRUPTIVE.

Unless you turn those complaints into action items. Unless you take the complain and take it to the source of the annoyance. Unless you ACT ON IT. Complaining to a friend at some mamak joint is not going to help.

If not, I suggest we STOP COMPLAINING.

Biar

I recently learnt this expression from a friends of mine. You use it when someone's irritating you and you tried as much to shoo him away, only to end up getting worked up for nothing. Biar. Eventually he'll get the hint. No point getting mad about it.

Or when someone's being kiasu and wants to know every single thing that you're doing at work (to stay competitive, or at least not behind me) and basically 'parrot' whatever you say or do. Eventually that person for sure could not put up the act that long.....

Or when you feel like you're exploited, and no matter how many times you've voiced it out, nobody gave a damn anyway. BIAR! you'll have the last laugh when you tender your resignation!

Hah! Biar!

Choose Your Battles

Not all battles are meant to be fought.
Not all battles are worth fighting for.
Some battles we can ignore. For some battles are not our battles.
Some battles are ours to fight. And us alone.
Those who do not fight, has not lived.
- sze lin

So You Think You Can Dance- Alex

Check this out...epic dance moves from Alex HipHop and Hallelujah.

A Quarter of A Century Friendship Anniversary!

I just realized that this year I would have known my primary school friends for 25 years! That means 25 years of friendship! 25 years of Laughter and Tears. Makes my heart go a-flutter just thinking about that. There are some I've known since in kindie when I was 5, but let's just say it was quite a blur period when you're 5 till about 7 years old. haha.

So here's a tribute to Eva, Tzewei, Larn, Shamila, Su Yeen, Ming Kuen. (including Imn i guess although I know her for 32 years hehe)...here's to a Quarter of A Century Friendship! And I'm so happy you guys will be there on my Big(gest) Day....

Bridezilla

Approximately 2and half months more before my wedding. I'm almost done with most details, and I'm glad I didnt turn bridezilla over it! A friend of mine said that we can choose to go cheap or go overboard with the wedding, and frankly, nobody appreciates it or remembers it. That's kinda sad. But nevertheless, I wanna remember it, and I'll appreciate it, and I would want to say my dear friends and family would too.

So I aim to not disappoint, but also not to go overboard. My 2nd dinner is a little subtle, free and easy, none of those frills, but it comes with definitely good food, and warmth of my closest friends...

We need to move on

I have been recently enlightened by Farish Noor in his recent book that touched on something that is like a thorn in our minds. Of how our nation has been segregated on purpose before merdeka, and how we are still doing it. so we typically stereotype the malays are lazy, the chinese are greedy and the indians are sleazy & drunkies. but in reality this is not entirely true. there are drunk chinese...and there are greedy malays and etc etc.

the point is that we are Malaysians. we went wrong in the first place when we allowed the british to brand us that way. To ensure that we are 'properly controlled' konon. and that we are all 'specialized' in our own ways, and how the brits have just made us more 'effective' by leveraging on our strengths...

so primitive, kan.

and yet, we have not broken away from that stereotype. how many of us are guilty of making racist remarks or even a casual commentary about other races and stereotyping typical behaviour based on race.

and today, I am again reminded by our ex-PM, read: chedet-racist .

the truth is that not all of us think that way. or maybe that's what I hope we are. it's time to take a step forward to a new Malaysia. one that sees a man as a man, and not if he's brown, yellow, or black.

peace.

Statistics...

Take it easy no matter what you're doing. Do what you can and do it while you still can. Afterall, we end up as part of the statistics anyways :). (quote: SK) have a great weekend.

My 1st Week

I told myself I'll never leave my ex-company...unless this current one offers me a job! and IT DID! Although I do agree that things would have been different if I actually got the job much earlier. My ex-company was an eye-opener to many fantastic work experiences that I would take away with me. always.

I guess hard work does pay off. And hell it's been a tough road for me. From automotive, to telco to recruitment/outsourcing and now to oil & gas. It hasn't been easy and my learning curve has always been quite unimaginable. I've also given up a managerial position twice. And with no regrets. If i'm paid more everytime to learn something new, it's ok to give up a comfort zone in a managerial role. That's my opinion anyways. it's good to never stop learning....

I really do hope I'll make the cut here though.

What Your Teacher Didnt' Tell You

redefining and clarifying the Malaysian's history ........

I'm gonna be missing Breakfast time

there won't ever be another pest who would always pester me for breakfast..

one who made me addicted to pakcik's nescafe c ice...

i'll miss the endless chatter,

the monday catchup time....

as we while away an hour or so, before work hits us at 8.30am.

sigh. my timeout sessions shall be missed.

Exploited!

The more I work and the more I see, I can't help but feel exploited at times. You know, I'm the type who doesnt say NO, same as few friends of mine, O and Jo. We both got this problem and tend to be the natural fall guys whenever there's 'extra' work to be done. I dont mind the work really. But it becomes a problem when people take advantage of your weakness and pile you up with work.

The solution is easy. Either you suck it in and do the work, then plan to leave. Or just say NO and risk being labelled as 'NOT A TEAM PLAYER'. I always opt for the first solution, and always tell myself, I'll do it and embrace the work and learn, but I'll have the last laugh when I leave.

Sadly, this may form a pattern in my next few years of employment. I really need to do something about this, else I'll risk leaving every employment just because I can't say NO. OR.....I could just be self-employed!

....And the Hardest Part

I'm leaving again, for a new job. I hate to leave when the tough gets going, but it was an offer I could not refuse and it was the right thing to do. This time around, is the hardest to say goodbye to. Not only was my boss a great mentor, but the journey thus far has been a most memorable and challenging of all. Not only have I triumphed over the toughest clients and outsourcing units, but I've also proved that I can do it! Alas, it was just not my calling. I have come to a point where I realized that I can do just about anything so long as I put my mind and soul to it.

And that I have. Along with some of the best team mates ever, from one project to another, I've really pushed myself and realized my limits. It's just that, I'm not ready to take up a leadership role. I know I should be happy to be promoted after barely 2 years, but I'm happier as a team player. How unambitious, I know!, but that's just who I am. I enjoy the adrenaline rush in winning and execution of projects, no matter how hard it is. I dont enjoy taking the blame, or putting the blame on someone, or worrying about resources and business forecast. It's just not my thing.

And with this, I bid farewell to a promotion, to a wonderful journey, to one of the best employment thus far, to my wonderful and fantabulous team members, Aa.C,His.O,Fx.T, Y, T.Jan, J.Ash, W.Pin, Monz, L.Kuo, M.J, Gd, O.T, N.Th, J.Ch. You guys are the best!

Material Girl 2

It baffles me how some people put so much emphasis on their possessions, but I think it's inevitable these days because of commercials and to some extent peer pressure. All the MUST-Haves that is seasonal. All the gadgets that they need to have. All the clothes/accessories they just gotta have. And the latest phone (it's like everyone has to get an iPhone).

Now we can choose to ignore it, and go by our own ways... Or we can succumb to the lure of the MUST-HAVES. Either way, I think it's just fine...as long as you're not getting yourself into a debt unnecessarily. If you can afford it, why not.

I guess I was never one to envy or to have such wants. Maybe it's the McScrooge in me, or the practical me. I feel like I should succumb, to conform to what's considered a norm these days. Seriously people think I'm odd that I dont change my phone, but I have the luxury to chuck it wherever coz it's so old that no one would steal it anyways. M was using her nokia butterfly phone(with the blue screen) for ages, and had it not been an accident that broke it, I think M would have continued to use it till now. I just dont see the logic in spending so much on something, then worrying later if you'd get robbed.

What is in your must-have list?