An Upset

Had a major upset at work. I've screwed up big time and been having sleepless nights. I put the blame on myself. I'm usually so careful and am even more so with this new job. And yet, i still (*&*(-ed up. My boss tried to pacify me and said 'shit happens'. Very nice of him, but I can't seem to get over it. In a sudden turn of fate, I'm actually feeling more responsible and accountable for this job, and starting to care, and the job matters to me. Sigh. Perhaps it's a sign of turning 30something, or it could be I just need to relax and eff it, it's just a freaking job.

Easier said than done though. Like Wei said, we have to take pride in our work. And i do, but if shit happens, I would see this as a failure...a major screwup. What can I do but hope for the best and vow to do better. Sigh.

Stick it On

Another frivolous buy- i was checking on the prices for registration for the Curve flea market..and found this. A korean lady had a booth selling these wall decos. A nice African guy was looking at this same piece, and it was the last one! He let me have it....! And so I went home and voila! RM69...... But kinda made the room cheery and garden-y. It's just that there are a lot of 'adjustments' because it's not as easy at it looks, some of the leaves dont match and the quantity is not really as what the sketch says, and you just go for your instincts! Go TRY this.

Rachel Getting Married

Alright, admittedly, it wasn't the most well-orchestra-ed movie ever. There were some really too long-can't-wait-for-it-to-end scenes especially at the wedding parties. However, it was touching all the same. Especially the last row between the 2 sisters.... I nearly forgot that was Anne Hathaway. Way to go girl. It was really a good raw performance. I liked Rosemarie DeWitt's performance though. always unsuspecting really. No wishy-washy stuff and very real, something we all can relate to. About guilt, forgiveness, sibling rivalry, family. Thanks Galli for introducing this movie.

Tayar Letup

Never ever trust a mechanic or foreman. Me and H found out that the mechanic loaded 72psi onto my front tyres. Patutlah letup! sheesh, you think people would hv the pride in their work to ensure that everything a-Ok before they hand over the car to me. Thank gawd i wasn't driving very fast that day, and I do drive pretty fast sometimes.....

after the tyre exploded, I stopped at the side of the highway, slowly inched my car towards the Taman Danau Desa exit and was helped by a stranger who lived on the squatter area there to change the tyre. H came later and we went to Shell station to isi angin...

Well, the whole fiasco is not over yet as i also am seeking compensation. 2 tyres at least. And it also caused more damage on the left side panel.

The Marriage Mania

I've at least had friends who are either getting engaged or getting married this year. It's the rush before the year of the TIGER which was dubbed as the unlucky year for any marriage..

My best friend is getting married soon and been hearing updates from him about his outrageous wedding dinner(s). 3 locations! He is however a finance geek and has also been keeping track of his expenses and has estimated a staggering RM85K!

Seems a bit 'lebih' for a 3-nighter-event. But well I digress to say every bride deserves her ideal wedding I guess. At all costs. As long as it's shared between 2.

But seriously, why not spend less on the wedding dinners attended by half of the people you dont know and opt for a more upclose and personal wedding affair with family and friends. or just do a simple dinner and spend lavishly for the honeymoon where both of you get some rest n relax action.

Having said that, people should really stop asking me about marriage, haha. For one, you should never ask a woman. For 2, my views on marriage is simple. I can do with or without it. Just look at how late all my sisters got married. And For 3, it's really none of your business lei! ahahhaa.

The Departure

People leave you not intentionally but that's just how things go. How many friends have you made, connect with, and then to depart with just memories... I've had plenty of those. And yeah I suck at keeping in touch, although every single one of them holds a small part in my memories. Well, the important and meaningful friendships I mean.

And I've had loved ones who's left me. It had made me agonize if I ever had to see another one go. I feel it's constantly bug me, and it will forever. Sigh. But when the time comes, we will need to learn how to let go.

It's a week of many departures. I'm afraid there'll be more..... I have a friend leaving for US. one just left a month ago. I have a colleague although faraway, would be leaving soon. I just heard a friend's grandma is stricken with sickness, we grew up 'around' her i guess.

It's so hard to love and then to let go anyways. Seems really pointless and one might think why do we even bother to love, of any kind, be it friendship, love, comradeship, family. . But what's life never knowing love.

The Wrestler

I like wrestling. I used to watch a lot of it and my friends used to love reenacting scenes from WWE.....weird but it's really an art, a performance, and this movie gave us a little bit of insight into what professional wrestling is all about. But more than ever, this movie touches on the vulnerability of an aging wrestler. I almost forgot it was Mickey Rourke :), had a lot of rawness (keep thinking RAW is WAR..hahaha) in his performance that makes it a really good one. My favourite part was at the end actually. When he said that he could never get hurt out there (pointing at the ring) and that he's only hurt when he's here.

Cheap Thrill

Did not win but it was featured in The Star today, muahahhahaha. TOok this picture in Bogor....

Slumdog Millionaire

I watched this maybe few weeks back. And loved it. It was pleasant, heartbreaking, scary all rolled up in this little movie. I have a friend in indonesia who has riled up a bunch of comments on her facebook. My sister cried bowls after watching it....heart-wrenching especially the kids-kena-eyes gorged out-tu. I still can't forget the dive-into-shit-for-Amitabh scene. Very funny.

So well, was it a good movie? well to have stirred up so much emotions, it'll have to be good! And you know it's a good one if you think of Jamal as Jamal....as opposed to watching Benjamin Button and think why Brad Pitt looks like that. The beauty of the movie is that it didnt have big names. It allowed for immersion into the realism of the movie.

Ohwell, go see it and tell me what you think.

Australia.....

Going off to Australia in August'09. First family trip in a long time. It would be a road trip! Any recommendations anyone??? Food to eat and places to go?

To Depend

A friend of mine was just telling me that he loves having dependent/dependents...he loves to be the provider ...How many of us would think that way though? Most people take it as a burden.

But I guess having dependents makes him feel his life is meaningful. That working and slaving is meaningful. It also makes a person less selfish I suppose.

Imagine if u had no dependents. Well yeah, you have ample money to indulge on yourself. But how much could you use and indulge on.

It really takes a lot of selflessness to be in that mode. One must be so USED to paying for things and just making sure everyone's taken care of. A person like this will not expect any gratitude or appreciation because he loves doing it. One would be contented with putting a smile on that person he just cared and provided for.

I wonder if people like this really exist. Are you one?

Stop Bugging Me

I had at least 6 calls last night-3 of which were missed calls because i just didnt want to pick up the phone anymore. There was a gathering last night, and I didnt want to go because i was tired....Now, what's wrong with that? I show up for almost every damn gathering possible and yesterday I just needed a break.

Hasn't it ever occurred to anyone that maybe I just want to be left alone? Me and imny thinks its our age catching up on us and we're turning reclusive, but seriously, I do enjoy being by myself. I enjoy having my own time.

OK and so, I lied yesterday. Because it would have sounded too weird if i said i just wanted to be alone and rest... SO I said i was DEAD tired. I'll rather be vague than bluntly saying that I wanna be a hermit for a night. Boleh ke???

And why do i feel weird about admitting that anyways? Fear of being labelled as weird? Anti-social? Ok, i do have moments when I want to go out...it's just that I have less needs for that now. And the moments when I do want to have quiet time are way MORE now.

So maybe it's weird I like having my cup of chinese tea in front of the telly watching reruns and dvds. Or mending my dying potted plants. Or rearranging my trinkets. I ENJOY IT. if that's weird, so be it.

Stand Tall

Maybe i've just been watching too many movies on conspiracy theories and ulterior motives and globalization. I wonder if we'll be sucked into all this economic catastrophe further because of economic giants who were caught in their own web. Well, doesnt it look stupid now for those who worships them. Even the biggest will fall one day. That's just how the world works. So, dont be arrogant.

Obsession

Everyone has some obsession for something. It could be shopping, photography etc. Some of us suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder...that we might not know of. Just doing a bit of self-searching now..and trying to list down my obsessions and whether it is bordering OCD...

1) shopping...i think not, it happens sporadically like the time when I was in indonesia, only because it was convenient and i had the time to do it.

2) perfumes...yes, I do think i have an obsession for that. but i've refrained from buying since i'm a scrooge, also because trying not to indulge....But i do recall buying maybe about 5 in the US jsut before I came back. First ever bottle that was absolutely unforgettable was the Banana Republic Woman. I was strolling in Annapolis by the port in my tattered jeans and black t, and had my first payout after 2 weeks and bought one for myself.

3) smurfs... it's more of an excessive use of this word, is it an obsession, u tell me. I can tell you I have a bunch of friends whom we call each other smurf! without much thought.But I won't say that I know much about the smurfs....

4) movies....i'm the type that would watch 4-5 straight movies on a really quiet day. And I'm obsessed with making sure that I finish whatever movie i start watching. It has to really suck for me to not watch it. I'm constantly looking for the ultimate movie, and so far, nothing moves me more than A Beautiful Life. Chinese movies doesnt do anything for me, although there are some notable ones.

5) music..this obession has somehow weaned...I used to be obsessed about the radio, hogging the radio to listen to some good music, actually hoping to hear some songs that i've marked (in my mind anyway). I was the type who would find mp3s and save 'em. But I'm starting to be just too complacent with whatever I have now, and just can't be bothered to listen to more. The last album I bought was THe Killers Sam's Town.

The Right Gift

Anyone's scratching their heads finding the right gift for this sat? I was listening to the radio today and a caller was saying that he is having a tough time because:

1) he can't repeat the same gifts as last year or else he'll be branded as boring

2) he needs to get a gift that would be OK enough to get an OK from his gf

3) he can't get something to cheap...else he's a cheapskate..

finally he said he wondered if Valentine's day supposed to be like this. Meeting the other half's expectations.... and this stressful.

Seriously, life is tough as it is. And work is stressful as it is. I dont want a gift that's going to further burden my bf financially. BUt then again I dont want a useless gift that I would have to pretend in front of him to say that I love it, when I really dont.

So we've decided...no gifts this year. We have movie tickets booked. And most probably a quiet dinner in a quiet place. And it doesnt have to be an expensive place.

we sometimes place too much emphasis on material and luxury; ah, the faults of many.

Invalides

Who's not hit by the economic downturn? I'm saddled by job insecurity, not to mention I work in a company that has up to date news on which company's bailing out or about to. So it can get rather depressing when all you hear is bad news. I haven't really heard of many people getting bonuses this year, or maybe people just opt not to mention about it i guess.

Saddled by a mortgage loan and well since getting a place, many unexpected bills and extra expenditure.

Putting my plans to travel on hold. I should I suppose after spending a bomb for the Eurotrip. I could sneak 1 really good trip somewhere cheap out of Msia or do a few local trips. Really wanna do Greece this year with imny and mom but i guess I really should sit tight and keep a watchful eye.

And so, this year is going to be a cautious and a very handicapped year. Whatever your zodiac sign says, well everything's almost related to money isn't it? Strained love= money. Job insecurity=money. Health =money. Marriage=money. Money=poket kosong. I think they should just summarize at the end of every zodiac/horoscope with a rating for $$$ in a scale of 0 to 10. 0= zero money. 10= loads of money.

The Mask

Most people carry masks because for a few reasons:

1) their true self scares them

2) they are afraid their true self scares other people

3) because its just easier to conform to what's normal. everyone's weird in their own ways

4) because some people are just evil. we all are. we just keep the devil within

5) because we all have secrets. big or small, serious or frivolous, we hold on to our little secrets

you know, don't even bother to 'un-mask' someone. maybe sometimes it's best not to know.... If not, usually your instincts and intuition tells u if that person is being his/her true self. we sometimes just choose not to trust our instincts.

When You're Confused...

So many people around me are either leaving Malaysia or thinking about coming home. Well, I was just telling a good friend, we will never be 100% sure, and sometimes we just need 60% to be assured and just have to make that move.

we are 31 and yeah, we're still confused. If anyone can be positive in their life and the direction he/she's heading, well then he/she is all sorted out. We're not. I still can't even figure out what dress cut suits me the best, or whether I should keep my hair long or short.

It's nice to know we are all confused. I realized that maybe life is all about uncertainties, and obstacles. Maybe life is not meant to have answers for everything. It's just better if we leave it as that and live life not expecting answers all the time.

ANd stop asking questions as well, for that matter. (dedicated to shami)

Blast from the Past

This was where I used to work in ny. it's at the pavonia station in new jersey. Although I used to work in the much older branch at montgomery. It was the montgomery branch that I met some of the special people in my life.

I was 23 and just left a lousy job in annapolis and was heading back to ny to try my luck again. Agnes hook me up a job at the montgomery branch where she used to work. I was blur to the shits about waitressing and showed up one fine morning at work trying to bluff my way. THat's where I met Shirley, Esther and Jessica. These are people who took care of me unconditionally when i was working there. They trained me and shared the tips with me. Just because we love each other like it was a new family there.

And so I met Esther today. Ironically, andrew had his pants done at the tailor shop where she was working. She asked if I came by for lunch, and I said no, i came because of her! Nearly brought us to tears and we chatted away and catching up on 6 lost years.... She has not changed, ever the wise and always giving me 'tips' of life. I have as she described, 'gone cute' after all the pounds I gained.

But isn't it amazing that it felt like we've never left that small little joint called komegashi...

My Favourite Part about CNY...

CNY is finally here....and I can't wait to raid the food. And it's a great CNY this year, because the family unit is back-imny decided to surprise my parents and she's back. The babies are gonna be reunited and we will all be in Ipoh (thank gawd it's not Singapore this year).

And it's gonna be laksa and indian food again for CNY. Thanks to my mom's 'half-brother", uncle Dass who comes by every CNY with his curry crab and chicken.

Expecting my childhood friends to drop by again, i know Larn is back and well, there will be a few departures this year, Kuching and Clyn...I know they always say they are there for the laksa, but then it's probably one of those moments that we really cherish that we are able to meet and mau like we were in MC. Sigh. The good 'Young" days.

Having my 1st CNY gathering with Andrew's friends and mine at my place . Hah, it's my turn now since i've been visiting at people's house every CNY.....

So, best part about CNy are the gatherings....Without the friends and family, it is no CNY.