You can call this being selfish, but I think it's more of taking care of yourself. If you dont think for yourself, who will? You cannot expect a husband or a wife to do this for you.
Whenever you feel you're being bullied or cornered to do something you dont want to, take charge and take care of yourself.
Whenever you feel like your needs are being pushed aside, voice out and let yourself be heard.
I think it's wrong to assume that you need the other half to take care of your everything. No one can, not even Superman. The other half is supposed to compliment you, and share with you.
I think we all have an inner voice in us. And that voice always tells what the heart wants. It is just that we choose to ignore it. We want to please our family, our bfs/gfs/wives/husbands but we forget our own needs. Truth is, we can't please everyone.
It's a huge mistake to pity yourself and dwell on it. Start taking care of yourself and move forward. Nobody is crying with you because you fail to take care of your own self. Nobody will symphatize with you. It is up to you to be fair to yourself. not anybody else.