2011review

2011 has been great. I have many things to be grateful of. Especially family, with everyone intact and happy, prospering and with good things ahead. Dad and mom are still going strong and i suspect much healthier than any of us. God has granted mine and Andrew 's wishes to have a baby and so here I am at 6 months plus already!

A year ago I left after I got a promotion with the company I was working for, a big loss of opportunity then...The world works in funny ways because this year I got a promotion with the current company I am working for. Andrew got a promotion too and his ticket to a better portfolio. Double joy for us because every cent we earn now will and has already been channeled to our baby.

With all that's happening , I am gad we manage to go to Phuket and Chiangmai and sealed the year for a family reunion in Singapore. Imn and Jason were back so that makes a complete family of 13 (including baby!).

It is also a year since we are married officially ( Chinese tradition wise) and I am grateful for an understanding, most obliging and thoughtful husband. Must be hard now with an angsty pregnant wife who can be most Mahfan at times. Thanks for putting up with everything and let's gear up for a new life as parents in 2012!

Sisters

I may have at some point written about my twin sister, Imn, but probably not as much about my 2 elder sisters. Probably the best gifts from my parents and God, I have the best sisters in the world and I am truly grateful. It does make me think if I ever want to have a second child...but that's for another post.

I guess the age difference of about 7 and 8 years, does play a part. I look up to my 2 elder sisters for advice in so many many things, sometimes I think I may be so mahfan, but hey, that's the beauty of sisterhood! One of my earliest memory was probably when I was about 9 years old. I remember I was propped up on a bed and reading one of those classic books. You know, those with a lot of difficult words. I got my eldest sis, Tache, to read beside me and I remember pestering her whenever I got through a difficult word, "what does this mean?" Hehe, I must have been a pain, but I remember she tried her best to explain, but there were some she'd just exclaim, "It just is, sze!" Growing up when she was in Singapore, I remember her visits back, and driving us to get laksa in Ipoh Jaya.....ah.....weird as it seems, she was the one who discovered that laksa shack we all loved so very much. She also transformed from a non-foodie to a foodie, so my memory of going to Singapore was her taking us to sample nice stuff. About last year, she went through an enlightenment period, and some her advice just stuck in my mind..."Don't try to change others, change yourself and how you react to it". I find myself repeating that to many people in various situation, and recently to my in-laws too (errr, long story). Another thing that stuck, was when she told that she could always rely on our (the 4 sisters) opinions because we are the only ones who would give her the blunt truth. Yeah, and that was when they made me parade in my wedding gown/cheongsam to get an Ok from them. hehe.

My 2nd sister is a softie. We stayed together for a few years when I was in college and well, must have been odd for her taking care of her 2 little sisters while she herself was still in university. I remember our trips to 1 utama by bus, sifting through Reject Shop, or her sending me to Bangsar Baru Mcdonalds in her beat up Volkswagen every morning, and our weekend trips to TMC with Uncle Chong (where she's mostly half-dazed due to late night partying). As I grew up and then we all lived together in Taman Desa for a good 4 years, I must say it was quite a crowd. One of the best times. Right now, I stay near my sister, and loved going back there to play with my nephew, babysitting him, and having my meals there.

I wont say much about my twin as I've posted one about her before. We are sisters of different levels, coz it's just a twin thing, and it's hard to compare it with anything else. If you have a sister, whether you think the relationship is sour or not, appreciate her because no one makes a better best friend than a sister! ( I dont have a brother so I dont know what having a brother is like..)

Domestic Abuse???

I am shocked to learn that my dear friend was beten up by her ex boyfriend. As she recalled the incident, I realize that she jumbled the sequence and the details were sketchy. I was completely baffled and was out of words really. It was nothing I could relate to. She did not occur to me to be the meek type or hardly a candidate for domestic abuse but I guess there is no way of profiling a victim! She said she was traumatized I mean who wouldn't be. So traumatized and afraid that she evn gave the guy a ride. Odd but we should not be judgemental. There is never a right SOP for these kind of things and I suppose she did whatever she thought would keep her safe. I Am glad she made the right choice to lodge a polic report. I just hope this be a lesson learnt for all women out there. Always have your guards up!

Jaded is a bad word!

It is one of those things that immediately spells Negative to me. One of my pet peeves too. It is like telling people you are above it all, been there done it, and don't expect pity from me kind of attitude. My parents would never say that to me if I came to them with a dilemma, a problem or anything even though truly with 60 years + under their belt, they have seen it all! That's why it really baffles me when people in their twenties say they are jaded about anything. Truly? Instead of saying they are jaded, my parents never hesitate to give their two cents, based on their humble experience what they think is the right thing to do. It is something I always try to emulate. Also because I don't think I have been through all ups and downs in life to be truly jaded about anything really. The thing is that nothing is ever the same as the first time you experience it ( whatever it may be) because the external factors always differ, no matter how u see it. So how can anyone say they are jaded? Take it out of your vocabulary today!

Recognition award...

This month certainly brings in a lot f good news. My boss just informed me I will be receiving a recognition award that comes in $$$$$$. All the better for me! Although not a big deal in my company, every dollar counts to our baby fund! Cheekily I told her my baby thanks her! Hehe. Not bad for some project nobody wanted to do and a project that is still scorned to death. My counterpart in UK said that people involved in the project like us as the Trainers were bombarded like hell. It was a case of " Shoot the Messenger". It was a role all too familiar for me. Played the poor messenger role before. Years back I had to do the same in an unfamiliar setting, to an unfamilliar audience, to competitors and to the users. It was much worse then! But it only taught me to persevere, to be tolerant, and most of all to be more receptive to changes and less negative about new things. People tend to be resistant to change. It would sometimes be easier if we embrace change and work around it, rather than harp on it. That is what I learned. I now know why some companies are more resilient than others. Sadly, in my bunch, people were far less receptive than other clients and other companies I worked for. The older generation had a Let's-Nail-This attitude and did not waste time harping on why the change! I missed people like that . People who understood change is sometimes inevitable so make the best of it!

Promotion!

Bubu G ( as Andrew calls him) has certainly bring a lot of luck to us! I have received news of my promotion, which is really timely as we await for the arrival of our baby. I have just started on this job last year August so I am really grateful. A year's work has certainly paid off. It also does a huge impact on my benefits.

We were discouraged from announcing it until the official news is out. Really it didn't matter to me, I am looking at the monetary value and also looking out for something new. People who worked with me before would know...I get bored easily. And I like going to work, so I gotta keep myself motivated by learning new things. How utterly nerdy right?

Progress

Baby is 450 g. He does ticklish stuff around my tummy sporadically throughout the day, especially at night. Doctor said he is growing well although my bump is small. He seems to move when he hear voices, like kids, one particular colleague and when me and Andrew laugh about something.

I am getting heavier at 21 weeks and the backaches are interfering with my sleep. I have sweaty palms and sweaty feet... Can be so bothersome u know. I still just have 3 main meals and occasional snacks. Constipation is my number 1 enemy. Andrew got me some prune juice and I got medicine from my gynae, so I m all geared out to battle it!

We have been shopping for baby essentials. I am utterly clueless so I would buy what I can think of. Thank god for my sisters and mom and my mummy friends who are never stingy with advice. Planning to buy everything before I get too heavy to do long hours of shopping!

Fret Not

Today I saw a colleague teary eyed over an embarrassing situation. I told her hey forget about it. People can be insensitive and no use feeling hurt about it. Then as I drove home, I sort of told my baby ( we have our little talks) that people can be cruel so expect that...but don't get affected.

Then just now I saw a video of a little boy bullied by a bunch of older boys. Gosh. I am slightly frightful for my baby now if that ever happened. I think it was where he stayed, seems rather dodgy. Although it can happen anywhere I guess, but the least I could do is provide a good environment for baby. Let's hope so.

I can practically hear my friends telling me to stop worrying!

Travelling alone

It must be a few times in my life where I went to see a few places on my own. Taiwan, ayuthaya, Bali, some spots in US and Manila. Not by choice but because somehow life works in funny ways I guess. But here are the pros.... I pretty much dictate my own schedule. I eat and drink whenever I feel like it. I can control my budget. I am really good at being alone because I love the peace and tranquility. I don't have to engage in small talks with travelmates who sometimes are not your preferred mates!

But there are some cons for sure. Like you don't have anyone to share the joy of discovering something instantly! I am not an iPhone person so not in the habit of posting stuff every other minute. Although I can have a meal on my own, it is nice to have company to unwind with after a whole day of travelling. When I started to travel with Andrew I do realize a travel partner enhances a trip sometimes. I like how we strategize for the day. I can have more choices when we order food because there is 2 of us and I can pinch on his food.

Pretty soon we are going to travel with our baby. A friend of ours was showing us his diaper bag hehe. Told us to get a small one because you tend to load more stuff on a bigger one! His baby girl was cranky because it was way after her nap time.....

Well it is all good. Can't wait to travel with a baby in tow!

Just the three of us

J asked me yesterday how I was feeling. Well I was thinking bloated, fat, backaches, hungry, etc etc... But I only told her that it is tiring but a nice feeling. Carrying and making a baby is no joke! This week I have some flutter like feeling that is really ticklish. And the baby is starting to form bones so my tummy is getting hard.

I have been at yo-yo with food. Aside from my usual grub I have yoghurt and ice cream every night this week, yikes! Yoghurt to make me feel less guilty about feeding unhealthy stuff like ice cream to baby!

It is just that I am eating for two now. Whatever that goes to me goes to baby too. It makes me worrisome sometimes... K was telling me, to get used to the worrying, mothers never stop worrying. How very true! I know because my mom is a toughie but she cries every time imn( the twin) leaves for uk ( mind you, we are already 33 ).

Motherhood is definitely something to get used to. I have flashbacks sometimes these days of what an ass I was to my mom in the past and wonder how I would handle it if my son did the same. Gosh! I hope he gets all our good genes! W said I would make a good mom, maybe because I was going on and on nagging at her of working late nights ( midnight, c'mon!) in our office. Or maybe because I threatened to tell her mom!

Of course let s give some credit to the husband who has been patiently obliging , tending to my absurd needs at times....the foot/hand and back massages are really helpful! Well, no one said it was ever easy to be a dad. I guess the fathers face a different set of fears and worry, but I will let him blog about that. Hehe

I hope at it would be smooth one for the 3 of us!

Shopping for a baby!

People who know me would know that I suck at shopping... I like bargains, but won't go all out though. But not when it comes to shopping for a baby. Went for the big bad wolf sale lately to get baby books... And went to a baby fair to hunt for stuff.

I guess parents tend to be over prepared because you don't know what you need until you need them! And so many gadgets out there.... Almost anything you can think of. We just bought a diaper change table at Ikea yesterday. comes with compartments and a foam on the top...

Thank god for hand-me-downs from my sisters so no big ticket spend required! Although I did indulge on some nice cute baby clothes because I could not bear the thought of my son wearing tatty clothes, at least not for the first few months.

Well baby brace yourself to a new life with us ok, taking baby steps!

Why do people care?

I have this disLike for certain things on Facebook. People have this strange urge to publicize the stuff they buy and the events they went to. Why do people care? What you buy has nothing to do with me. Maybe I am one of those who don't bother, but I' m sure a lot of people don't either. I am psyched sometimes when people happily put pics of anniversary gifts or birthday gifts. I like to think these things are personal. Maybe it is just me.

I told Andrew I didn't want details and scans of my pregnancy on Facebook. People don't need to know and those who cared I would have shared privately anyways. It would be weird to have people see scan of my womb...... Yerrrrrrrr.

What is your take and what do you share on Facebook?

Mothers

I listened with somewhat disgust as 2 of my friends went on bitching about their mothers, competing whose mother is worse, whose mother is more troublesome..... I did not know what to say. I nodded once a while and trying to hide my disgust. Then we went back to our desks, and I decided to send the article I wrote about being sensitive to older people to that one friend that was the closest to me. I thought I hoped my article could turn him around.

The following day he said he cried reading the article not knowing that I wrote it, and he felt completely disgusted with himself. Thanked me over lunch and that the slap in the face I gave him was exactly what he needed. His father just passed away and he felt his mom was still adjusting to the fact and relied on him because who else could she turn to if not her own son (who is single, so no excuse for being busy!).

We forget sometimes in our growing years our mothers and fathers have patiently tended to our needs and answered relentlessly to our 1001 questions.... Why do we fail to extend the same love to our parents now when they feel the most helpless.

I hope my son reads this in the next 20 years and would not snap at me one day for asking his help to bank in a cheque!

On A Rollercoaster

I was watching Real Steel and was bawling like a baby in the cinema. Really a first for me. Blame it on the hormones or maybe the movie was really a tearjerker.... Nevertheless, I'm on a hormonal rollercoaster these days. Few outbursts too, it's a pity the husband has to take it all in! Thanks Andrew!

That goes to my next story. Normally I stay out of trouble at work. Too much politics and I'm too insignificant to care. But recently I was dumbfounded when a colleague told of a plan. Lobbying for the wrong guy for the job. Sigh. I'm really disappointed. Also because I know someone else is more deserving. Silent workers always get sidelined. What kind of a world would my son grow up in if I let this pass????? I thought I couldnt let this go. I thought and talked this through with KK, and I thought I'll let it slide. Who am I to intervene.

Well, my hormones got the better of me. I questioned the colleague. Why him and not her. How could you be so blind. Everything is there, concrete evidence. And then I checked with my boss. She concur with me. Sigh....how can I let this injustice go on.

of course there is very little someone small like me could possibly do. But hey, I tried. It doesnt matter what people think of me. I just want to make the world slightly better and brighter.

Maids and whatnots

One stop centers for maids? 6 months compulsory bahasa cases for non Indonesian maids?i say fix the real problem here. Regardless where the maids are from, Malaysians seems to just have an abuse problem. That is the core issue. Either we lack respect for maids, or for some sick reason Malaysians love the concept of slavery and to be able to release stress on someone, to have authority over someone powerless.

Just like any recruitment firms, the maid agencies should make monthly visits to check on the welfare of the maids and also to provide some customer service to the employers. After Ll, they are making a profit out of the service. Points I ponder I guess.

Appetite

I can feel my appetite soaring and I have to mentally psycho myself to STOP EATING. When the say you are eating for two, they are not kidding. I had 3 slices of peanut butter jelly bread, I plate of spaghetti, half a pack ofnasi lemak and I bowl of noodles and it is just 7 pm..... Gosh. I hope my son is satisfied... He sees to be chomper like me and Andrew!

If there are any mommies or fathers, any way to beat this? I am contemplating a mini magnum after this.....

A conversation with my nephew....

Aaron: where is Uncle Andrew (my husband)?

Me: Uncle Andrew is working.

Aaron: why he has to work.

Me: well, uncle Andrew has to work for money. If uncle Andrew doesn't work, then he can't give me money.

Aaron: (grin and snickered) No, silly! Uncle Andrew works for didi. Not u!

And so, it's a boy! We had the scan yesterday and saw his jewels haha. Time to look for names! How does Lucas sound?

Sensitive

As people age, they tend to be more insecure, perhaps fear of being abandoned by their children...fear of sickness...fear of being a burden etc. We can only guess what is going on their minds especially your parents, your in laws, your grandparents... It's especially hard when you have your own family to run (amidst of all the chores, bills, kids, work, etc). Not saying all of them feel that way, but i'm sure some of these things you can relate to.

So here are some tips:
1) when the elders ask you out for lunch,dinner, or do something together, don't reject them immediately by saying you're not free. Explain that you have this event/chore you gotta do. Then, reschedule it. Let them know that you do want to spend time with them.

2) When you do meet them, stop playing with your gadgets. I found out this is something elders do not like. It's disrespectful and hinders the 'bonding' session. So just stash those away at least until the meal is over!

3) I know a lot of people my age are saddled by the banking/chores that sometimes their parents need them to do. Although one may argue that the elders can do it themselves, but I guess my philosophy is do what you can. If they could have done it themselves they could have. Although some use it as a way to keep connected? In a crazy way? Whatever it is, chances are you won't always have this opportunity anymore even if u beg for it when they are truly gone. Think about their unconditional love when they had to raise you up from a baby to a toddler where you're mostly helpless.

4) Get them involved in a small way. Although we may think we know everything since we're supposedly mature and able to think sanely and independently for ourselves, there's really no harm to seek some advice from the elders. Whether you do wanna take it or not, it's entirely up to you, at least you get an older person's perspective. Just as how you'd get help from your friends, why not your own parents? Sometimes they offer advice without you asking for it, well, then just listen, and if it's not something you like to hear, just nod and say you'll think about it. You dont have to dismiss them immediately. It hurts them in little ways that probably never crossed our minds.

Remember that they are sensitive people. They still see you as a child and it disappoints them that we don't listen to them anymore like we used to. Or that we don't rely on them anymore like we used to. For all the time they spend on nurturing and bringing us up with whole lot of patience, it's not too much to ask the same level of patience from us. There's nothing like a parent's love so "don't throw it all away."-Bee Gees.

Pregnant

When we had a company trip, few people were asked what was the most significant event of your lives, and most women answered birth of their child. I couldn't agree more. The past 14 weeks has been a whirlwind of hormones, anxiety, excitement, fear etc. I am experiencing new things with my body. Unpredictable appetite , lethargy, pain, curiosity, you name it.

My first trimester has ended. It was days of sleeping in. I had days of nausea but no vomiting. I was not particular about food. But I was hypersensitive to smell. The only time I vomited was at Ah Wa hukkien Mee jalan 222 because I was sitting next to the drain while eating. I gag every time I go to the office loo, but then again I gag once a while too even when I was not pregnant! All in all, it was not too bad, so women , have no fear! I stayed off caffeine, fizzy drinks, cold drinks, tea, pineapples, etc. Even if it is a myth, you don't want to gamble on it. It is only 3 months of your life anyways. I can live without these things!

On to my second trimester and I immediately feel less tired. Headaches are gone. Conference calls at night were tough so I am glad my body is feeling more active now. I am trying to exercise more. Control my weight and also for easier pregnancy. I try to slip in some light exercises while driving and in the office and some stretching as much as the body allows it. Me and Andrew have been taking walks every evening. Helps to sleep better too.

And yeah, I have not started shopping. Probably be gung-ho about in the next few months. Right now, I just wanna embrace my new appetite.

Gen Y?

I read with somewhat disgust this article: GenY The Star , about GenY. It's nice to hear from a Gen Y perspective and I have an opinion as to why they are like that, quite contrary to what the article says.

Trying to get the restaurant's kitchen to open up just to cook for you brats? That's just plain inconsiderate. And perhaps because the brat that you are, you probably have not worked in a restaurant before where although you think that you've worked hard and deserve a decent meal at a restaurant, those people who work in the restaurants also worked the whole day only to wait for the 10pm last call so they too can call it a day and have their decent meals? Being the inconsiderate lot that those brats are, of course that never crossed their minds! only me, me, me.

"Gen X was a time where education was a rare privilege, a job was a blessing and praises were hard to come by.
My comrades and I were raised to believe in ourselves, to strive for the best and to fight for what we believe in. Perhaps that makes us a little over-confident and too vocal in voicing our desires and displeasures."
Quite the contrary to what this article says about GenX, I do believe GenX in fact believe in themselves more because of our struggle and our plight. That's because we struggled to get where we are. GenY make think that they are over-confident and too vocal, but really empty vessels make the most noise! And it doesn't take long for people to realize that.

"If we feel that we’re performing well, we would rather like appreciation to be shown sooner rather than later."
This is only applicable if you actually perform well. And really you cannot force someone to appreciate your work, because though you think you have performed well, you may not have performed exceptionally well or others could have done better. So really it's not a real recognition unless people collectively tells you so. More often that not, I find them complaining before getting any work done. Don't even talk about performance yet.

"The world is changing to adapt to Gen Y because we are the future, but no one is going to tolerate or find excuses for a spoiled brat. The question is this: If you were the boss, would you employ yourself?"
I must say this is the best part. I dont think however the world is changing to adapt to Gen Y but rather to cater for different genres, as you are aware, there are more generations after GenY, be it the Millenials etc. With raising the retirement age from 55 to 60 in private sectors, there is a further need to be more flexible.

Living with others

Sharing a space with anyone is no easy feat, be it your siblings, your parents, your in laws, your friends or your boyfriend / husband. There are those things like who gets the remote control, who does the washing, who gets to do the laundry first, who pays the bill, who takes out the trash..., and those are the easy stuff because those things you can sort it out with a schedule or a mutual understanding. Living with other people also means you need to be TOLERANT. You need to be sensitive with your words especially with elderly people because sometimes things get misinterpreted. You Ned to be sensitive to other people's religion and daily rituals. Especially toilet rituals. Especially if u only have 1 toilet. Believe me, I have had a history of living with people who spend a lot of time at the loo.

The hardest part is to stay sensitive to others all the time. Home is a place where u unwind, take off your bra literally, be free but it's hard when you have others living with you. There used to be a time when I just wanna stay in my room all day because in there, that is MY space. If you have a roommate well then that is a different story! Sometimes you will have to pretend he/she is not there especially if she is someone you cant get along with!

What are your tips to living with others?

Mom

My mom is the most amazing mom. I have always thought of writing about her but really I don't know where to begin. She is an icon of strength, thoughtfulness, zen, love,bravery, chivalry , everything. I really pale in comparison to my mom. She is courageous, at 65 she is the ringleader at most of the places that we have stayed at: Ipoh, ara damansara, Taman desa, , Singapore. She has a knack for making friends because of her don't-be-a-stuckup attitude. Whenever she makes a trip back to Ipoh she will buy car load of taugeh and heongpeng to distribute them to the neighborhood. I used to find it a real bother but then I realize it takes a lot of thought and generosity that I guess I could never measure up to.

Andrew once sAid to me that I should get cooking lessons dorm my mom so that the legacy doesn't end. My mom cooks up a storm everyday! She has a way of being creative so she would throw in a few surprises every now and then. On the table you will not only find my dad and mine and my sister's favorite dish but also andrew's and my bil's. It can be quite a feat, add on my nephew's and doing that every day. But she bulldozes on with enthusiasm and drive. She does all the marketing alone because we would just slow her down, and even a cousin of my bil saw her once at the market and applauded her powerful arms! Yeah, we are a bunch of lame ninnys compared to her.

Perhaps it was her upbringing. Slaughtering chickens at the age of 10 and taking care of my uncle when she was still a kid. She told me she took my uncle to register for school when she was 9 or 10. And would cycle to deliver his lunch to him. I dunno if it's a hainanese thing or not, but my mom really takes care other family, her cousins and etc etc. My mom keeps close to her cousins till today, often the one driving them to seremban, Melaka etc on a day trip. Right now, my mom is in Singapore because and uncle was diagnosed with cancer and she is helping out my aunt cooking and doing banking for him. Shen she arrives this morning ( 5 hours bus ride, mind you) she is off gallivanting
with a cousin and meeting some friends for lunch. Sometimes even hearing her programme for the day is exhausting. Here is a woman who went to Ipoh, then to betong Thailand to the communist camp for a dinner and stayed overnight before heading back to kl the next day.

Just last week was the tangling festival and my mom just by word of mouth and her pulling the crowd around ara damansara, organized one of the biggest one I have ever attended. She got a few old aunties to commit to bringing their grandchildren and food so the night was set and we saw about 100+ people turned up for the event. My sister's neighbor told me that they thought it would be cancelled because it was raining and the plan was to have it at the two big badminton court at the playground, but lo and behold, she caught my mom sweeping the water off the badminton court with a steady broom alone not wanting the kids to slip and also for the candles to stick on the floor. Amazing right. I justhada potluck at work in which it took me few weeks to get people to buying food whilst my mom only took 1 weekend to organize one. Haha!

The way I described my mom you probably think she is must be just other auntie. But she was also a teacher. Her methods are quite unorthodox so I grew up with troubled cousins being sent to my mom for training. Yeah a cousin of mine was sent from Sri petaling all, the way to Ipoh for a good 4 years to whip him to shape. And never once did she whack him although I certainly instigated it haha! Me and my twin were sent to the church, cathedism classes, temple etc, wanting us to get exposure to different religion. When I was about 4 yrs old, my house had 10 people ; an Indian man who was my dad's former student, and 2 children of my mom's friend from teluk intan, and the 6 of us plus my grandma. U can imagine how chaotic life was. To date the Indian man always tells me my mom is his half -sister. In a way she probably thought us about sharing and racism in a very surreal way.

My niece and nephew are very attached to her. Her devotion and because of the flurry of activities that my mom always carry with her, the kids I would say have a great childhood, always surrounded by friends and doing a mix of traditional activities and modern ones that my sisters would provide. They are both free spirits as my mom tend to let them be not wanting to suppress them.

I hope I can be half as good as her.

Bad meals

I seriously get really pissed off with so called food bloggers who for the sake of free meals give good reviews for bad food. It is irresponsible and lack of integrity. I dunno, I take pride in what I write about and what my opinions are in anything , especially if you are gonna blog about it. And so, I am going to start dedicating space to write about bad meals introduced by food bloggers. Although some are really subjective to one's taste bud, there are really some that are so outright bad that no way a person could ever stomach. Here are some to begin with.

1) Betty Midwest Kitchen Aman Suria- honestly it tasted like scraps of leftovers that I used to prepare during my UNI days.
2) Coffee Chemistry Giza Mall - this was seriously mediocre and really not worth mentioning of.
3) Full House anywhere- seriously the food is so mediocre and taste like microwaved food that it really does not deserve a mention at all. Somehow bloggers seem to really love to publicize it.
4) Wong Kok - gross and overrated. Bad coffee and tea.

The list goes on. Want to knowwho r the bad bloggers, google these places and find out who thinks these are great food!

Where are your manners arh?

It's a whole week of organizing events, somehow got caught into it and well you know the part u gotta wait for people to RSVP, sending reminders etc etc. So there is a potluck I am organizing for my dept, and you have to make sure people don't bring the same stuff and make sure there is enough dessert, kuih, and the heavy works. Despite sending reminders and asking for confirmation on the type of food to bring...it's already tues and the event is coming Monday, way way past the deadline already which was 2 weeks ago. It wouldn't bother me so much if boss wasn't asking me for the list of food, attendance confirmation etc. People don't realize I don't do this full time ok. I still got 'real' work to do. They disrespect deadlines and expect me to chase them. You know on outlook people can accept, decline, and out on tentative their attendance? At one point I wrote to all the attendees who hv not confirmed and put on tentative that they can only accept or decline. no more tentative!

And then there is this other event. It's an annual meeting I am helping to organize and we have to get the suppliers to confirm participants and provide parking registration as well. People just do not READ! It says 2 participants per company and people happily give me 3 names. Or they don't give you the parking registration info. Or if they reply, they rudely just give you the car plate number. Not even the Hi or a Thanks.

I think it's just simple manners to give timely decision and doing it politely at the same time. I can't wait for their turn to organize something then they would understand how annoying they can be!

Ignorance is not an excuse

One of Andrew's friend got registered for marriage yesterday. His then wife-to-be was to deliver next week. more or less. Why did they waited for so long I wonder. Granted, the guy is not exactly the appropriate type, and neither is the wife. Yet, if they had decided to bring a child into this world, why risk it. Andrew says perhaps they are ignorant. Perhaps. But it's not an excuse. I pity the child. She did not ask to be born into a dysfunctional family if you could even call it a family. The guy obviously did not give two hoots that he was going to be a father next week. People who are illiterate would have had more common sense. You don't need a degree to have a common sense. even Ahbengs and Ahlians would love their child. He does not belong to any category, except for the category of scums who do not deserve a child.

A beginning

Stay tuned. A beginning of a new life! It will all be made known in 5 weeks time.

Lunch

It's true that we spend the most hours in our lives at work whether we like it or not. But lunch has always been a highlight for me.i am sure a lot of ex-colleagues and current colleagues would tell you that I am always the one to prompt everyone to makan. Hehe. Highlight of a usually serious and lonely hours at work. A break that we all much needed after sieving through endless emails. Truly, it is for me the best time of the day! At work at least.....

Although I have had my share of lonely lunches.... All throughout my career until now I suppose. After customer and supplier site visits, or when I was a consultant, when you always had to make new friends before you get lunch partners. Honestly, I love those lonely lunches too. First I get to choose where and what I want to eat, and I know I am rather picky. And I get to people watch and really it is quite an enjoyable activity, haha.

Well, of course it is never good to be an anti-social so I always try to build new lunch partners and routines. I must say it is rather important to get good kakis else I would really rather just be on my own. I for one do not like to talk about work during lunch, talk cock sing song anything, just please don't talk about this email that email. Luckily I have in the past made some great lunch company and loved my lunches!

Now breakfast is a different story..it is my me time :) ....err also because I get to work at 7.15am so no one is at work yet. Haha.

33

Feels the same when I was 30 really.. Staying at the same place. New job but the same old thing anyways, it's still not my own business haha. Gained a lot of weight but don't really mind it too much. Friends that matter are still my friends and we are close despite distance and new family commitments. I am thankful for my family and husband, for too many things. I probably did most of the things I set out to do in these few years. I don't really have a long list or a 10 yr plan, I tend to make things up as I go along. Life 's too hard so why want to be harder on yourself. That's my thought anyways. Its like saving for your pot of gold, it will never be enough.... Or trying to be a significant leader in your company, the higher you go, you will always want something more or at an even bigger company.

I would rather work on small milestones. Like go on at least 1 overseas trip a year. It didn't matter if it was just Thailand. And one girls only vacation a year. Go on one family trip per year. Getting a new car before my kelisa fails on me, oh I miss him. Generate another side income , that's still not done yet but not unachievable.

Anyways I know a lot of my friends have some sort of things that they have mapped out to do before 35 like getting married or being a parent or making 10k a month. Not everything will fall through and there are bound to be some disappointments but that's ok! We shouldn't let age define our milestones and happiness. Eg if you were to only find your lifetime partner when you are 45, is that not better than settling for a guy you have some doubts of at 35.

So happy birthday to me and my twin. Life is good only if you nourish and cherish it.

A breakkk

We are in Chiangmai today. Decided to keep things simple and just chill for a few days here. Andrew is having a massage while I idle myself away in a nice shop having a kiwi smoothies. Simple pleasures I think weiyin could relate to. Hehe. We walked all over Chiangmai today but not particularly looking for anything, not like in the past when we would really hunt and track down those sights. U see, there is nothing much in Chiangmai except for temples and temples (350 of them).... And that is the whole idea. Just a break from it all and away from all the hustle and bustle of kl. And especially away from the office desk! Ok, ciao now. Chill and hv a kit kat if u must.

Intolerable

"Intolerance betrays want of faith in one's cause"- Mahatma Gandhi.

There's this change going on in my department. Work's being reshuffled around and we have timelines, get it done and move on to your new role. While no one is big on CHANGE, I've been through too many changes in most of my workplace to know that you've gotta do what you've gotta do else you'll just have to ship out, but it's not any rosier elsewhere. We have to stay lean and that's all there is to it. In the past, we don't give much thought to it. Just get going and do it. Because we understood. Staying lean is all that matters because that's what helps to keep you EMPLOYED.

But not this company. People have been spoilt. People are ignorant to the global recession that is looming towards us. While it's good to make the best of it and try to carve a better workplace for yourself, it should not be at the expense of others. It gets intolerable when it affects my work. While I would rather move on and have the transition done asap, others are taking a stroll, stalling for a hidden agenda. It didn't really bother me at first, but when one starts to churn excuse after another, now that's just unprofessional. Postponing and avoiding meetings, throwing new 'info' that only further stalls the transition, I mean that is just so 'low' and not to mention plain immature.

And why do I say people are spoilt. I went through recession without any pay increment, no bonus for 2 years. And to be moved project after project in different locations for different clients, for 3 years. In another company for 2 years, I commuted few times in a day to 2 different plants with no additional allowance. My work has always been ever changing and really we just need to embrace it.

Nobody likes to go to work like you're on a battlezone. Everyone has lost their objective just like any war. I just want to get on with my work, but yeah, intolerance is getting in the way. But what do i do? I could complain. Or I could try to reason out, but the hidden agenda would make all dicussion infutile anyways. I have made sure I send my point across though. Like it or not.

Old Friends

I met WY today and it's been almost 6 months since we last met. But the funny thing about old friends is that we immediately get into our childish mode when we meet. Never mind that it's in the office (and a rather serious one I must add). I knew her when we were 13 for god's sake. Makes me forget that I am a grown 33 year old , a wife and a 'worker'. We exchanged stories and really at some point I think it made me remember those carefree days at the lower hall and me, WY and imn were sitting idly talking rubbish waiting to get into class. Yar that's the effect some friends have on me. Like when SC called me last week. She is someone I sat with halfway through form 1 because I was too noisy. We never were in the same school after form 5 but our friendship prevails till today. Odd right? Same as for Wawa. We found a brilliant way to call each other last Friday and that can be hard on a different time zone but we did it anyways and it was like gossiping over coffee of the day all over again. I guess nothing comes without effort. If you feel you are falling out from your friends, ask yourself if you have really neglected them. Some friends understand that you have your obligations and trust that when they need you the most you'd be available anyways. I like to think that I can be that kind of friend. Not just a friend to hang out with. But a friend you can count on.

One or Two?

One of my colleague told me that parents who opt for having only one child are selfish. I ask why. He said that well it's selfish because the kid would not have any playmates and would grow up as a lonely child and to face the world alone after the parents are gone. I never thought of it that way. 'but it could be because people can't afford more than one kid these day' I tried to explain. He said well that is just nonsense because people of our parents generation used to have more than two children and they did just fine. And we are supposedly better off now comparatively. 'but people also marry late these days, hence it could also be a fertility issue' I said. His answer is simply why wait. I do know some people who were so sure they would not have kids...ever. But accidents happen and they bite on their own words later on. And then there is another woman who is also so sure she would not ever have kids. Simply because they are annoying. Really? Is that really a good enough reason? I wonder if it is something that needs reasoning anymore. Why would someone try to justify to bunch of nobodies like us, unless she is really only trying to justify her own self. It is hard enough to decide on having a child at all, let alone having one or two. I say, it is all in god's will. Why fret?

Beh Tahan

There are just some thing that really get on my nerves......
-Older people who think that they are wiser than u just because.
-People who are dismissive. Shuts u off before you can lay your case.
-People who don't listen. And ends up making you repeat and repeat. Or it could be that they didn't really care in the first place.
-Honestly, lately I am sick of people who are vulgar. Using the f word excessively. Or cracking sexist jokes and using vulgarities then expecting you to laugh.
-Pretentious people who tries to be a Brit/American/Australian ..talks relentlessly about it, speak with a fake accent and idolize them. It doesn't matter how long you have been there. You are a Malaysian through and through.
-Opportunists. Pounce on you before you know it.
-Materialistic people. Although we all would have some wants and that's truly ok. It's another thing to fb and show it off or making it a STANDARD. So I like fugly slippers because they are comfortable. And use functional handbags and not those branded ones.speaking of that, people seems to have lack of respect for other people's choices, and judge too quickly. So what if I like kopitiam kopi O compared to Starbucks? People give themselves such a a hard time sometimes trying to appear to be uppity and missing out all the good things.
-Forcing tradition on others. I think really this is a matter of choice. Same goes with religion. But I'll respects yours even if u do not respect mine. What I hate most are people who only preach but their action speaks otherwise. I wish I could tell these people sometimes. Before u do charity elsewhere, why not channel it to your family first. Why is that so hard to comprehend? Does being recognized as generous by the public or strangers more important than your own family's recognition?
-People baffles me at times. At times I try to say nice things or just appear to be polite so as not to offend others, but people treat this as a c'mon to be rude to me. Would it be better if I just shut up altogether.

However in all honesty, I still try my best to talk some sense or just say my peace. Sometimes I just wanna get it off my chest because life really is just too short to brush it off and keep quiet about it. People can choose to be ignorant but you shouldn't. At least I can say I tried.

Retreat

As I grow older, I realize why my good friend HG left KL, then to Singapore and finally settling in Ipoh for the rest of his life. He used to tell me he's sick of it all, the traffic jam in KL, the superficiality of Singapore and that he could not fit in with those people at all, being an introvert also does not help. I thought he was just being too darn difficult.

But it does get you thinking...life's less complicated for him now, and he's not stuck in a traffic jam, people in Ipoh are also generally nicer and maybe just less competitive compared to his colleagues in Singapore.

I'm surrounded with kiasu colleagues here, and office politics just get more and more nonsensical as I changed to a bigger MNC, perhaps because as I get older, I'm more aware of it all and know when or whom to stay away from. Everyday I gotta wake up early and try my best and come home early to beat the traffic jam and to cook a decent meal (also because we'll be stuck in traffic if we went out for dinner). And then, I have to work nights doing conference calls then retire for bed at 12 or 1am. Yes it does get you thinking, how can things get better. Andrew was just commenting yesterday that we've both been working nights and really it doesn't leave us much time to do anything else (i mean hobbies etc,), usually an hour before sleep we try to watch a movie in front of the idiot box.

Not that I would jump on the wagon and move to some remote place, but I think we all can be open about how to improve the quality of our lives.

An Unexpected Offer

An ex-client of mine called me up today and gave me a job offer. I worked briefly for her about 6 months about a year ago. It was one of those horrible projects that was doomed and no one wanted to do it. We didn't talk much and really it was very much a lot of project deliverables that was heavily scrutinized. I never really thought that I was really good at what I was doing because it was my first hand at recruitment. I was not really confident but gave a shot at it and learning as I carried on. The environment was very hostile because I was an on-site supplier. I got an incredible affirmation today when she unexpectedly told me that everytime she though of recruiting she always thought of me! Wow, and she's a corporate figure and held the role of HR director when I knew her. Sometimes we just need these little affirmation to keep us going. Thank you AC.

Miri Miri

It was a week in Miri for a training on negotiations and it was great learnings. You never know how much you really sucked until you attend this training, and practise with your peers, so at the same time you get to compare yourself with your peers. Asians tend to use less key words and speak less, and if they speak a lot, it's usually beating around the bush trying to make a point :) . I did however get to meet some Brunei-ans, and I think most people (even themselves think so!) agree that they are somewhat more aggressive and authoritative (or it could be just too superior-complexed).

Miri itself was a wonderful find. At first I thought I could never live there. Then I kind of liked the tranquility and simplicity of the place. People were generally nicer (or maybe I"m just lucky). My colleague in Miri was full of pride of Miri, showing us this and that as we took a stroll. I think you could ronda the whole town in 1 hour. Another colleague was eager to take us to the Tamu and the Heritage center, and excitedly showed us how to eat the buah salak.

Miri-Brunei relationship is somewhat like Johor-Singapore. It's amusing when they tell us stories about Brunei coming to Miri for grocery and Miri going to Brunei for the cinema!

Should consider cuti-cuti Malaysia and see more of Malaysia really. I just can't get enough of it.

bersih 2.0

another landmark event on the 9th july 2011. let's hope we materialize this effort during the upcoming election.

Attention Seekers

I had an interesting conversation with someone who said that growing up she knew that she never belonged in the popular group. I think so was I. I didn't really know why and didn't care really why some girls in my class always wants to be either the smartest, the prettiest, the most athletic, and the most popular. I'm sure most of them had wanted to be the best in what they do. But that girl who always wants to be the MOST POPULAR are usually an attention seeker.

That has never changed even at work. Someone is always wanting to be the MOST POPULAR. You have to understand that I've seen these kind of people year in year out all my life so yeah, I can easily spot one! They will do anything to get attention. Well, really if you ask me, I dont really give a damn. What I find really sorely disappointing is that these attention seekers usually are very self centered.

You know, those who are really saying something to you but not really conversing with you, because their eyes shift elsewhere, or their saying something that usually CENTERS around them. Example: if I say, hey I just bought a new car. Mr Popularity may just say, "what car did you get? Ohyea, and you know I've driven so many cars, porsches, beemers, merc blablabla. Like just last week i went on a trip to see F1...complimentary tickets...blablablabla...." And all the time, Mr Popularity is not really looking at you, but it looks like he is rather making a statement and ANNOUNCING it to anyone he thinks could hear. You get the drift.

So in short, Attention Seekers are usually not attentative to what you tell them. Test them. Ask them if they remember something you told them about. I have the same people asking me about whether I'm married or whether I have kids (I dont have one). It'll be like " hey, who's taking care of your child while you're away?", "when did you get married again?" " how old is your child again?" Now that just really pisses me off. I mean, I dont really demand for someone to be tentative to trivial stuff like how many moles I have (in case I may hv flippantly mentioned that), or when is my menstrual cycle, or how many annual leave I have...blablabla. But I would at least someone to remember if I was married or not! hahaha, or have a kid or not!

SO that's why, I've always stayed away from attention seekers. We have nothing in common and really the conversations are usually dry (cause always talking about them mah). I must say there are some people who are popular, or who may be attention seekers, but they are still able to give you that equal attention you deserve. But very rare lah. You know, 80/20 rule. Have you met one?

Club Med

I just got back from a dept trip to Club Med. The rooms condition were bad but I guess that's because we didnt get the newly refurbished ones. On a more positive note, I had a lot of fun playing games and games and games. :) Drinks were free flow but I did not drink much. RM1K seems pretty OK if you consider the food, liquor, activities, the sun, fun and yoga by the beach etc etc etc, for 3 days 2 nights. It was actually not too bad. Lots of bonding and having fun. I especially liked badminton and yoga by the beach ...it felt blissful to be away from everything. I didnt have to think about bills, housework, work, etc etc. The moment I came home, all the stress comes flooding in. :( All in all, it was good times and am glad I went despite all the uncertainties ( we had an awful program that had a lot of indoor games- that was scrapped last minute :) )

Another Casualty

Yet another casualty in marriage! A good friend of mine just announced that he's getting a divorce 4 years and a child later. The reason was plainly he has never loved her before! And really folks, this is not the first time I'm hearing this, whether from a female friend, or a male friend.

And it's always about settling for 2nd best, or that out of obligation that they stayed on with the partner, well yeah, after 7-8 years of paktoh-ing. Or that they realize just too late that they were not really compatible with their partners....

Makes you wonder if the underlying reason is because we do not spend enough time to assess our partners and measure our compatibility? Or did we marry because of peer and family pressure, or just the pressure to just settle down, get married, have kids the whole works of it all? Or is it because we in general no longer hold dear the matrimony of marriage hence we can't commit ? Or do we just take our partners for granted after few years, and think you deserve better after all?

While everything is fluffy and nice in the beginnings of a marriage, things get real ugly when you're getting through a divorce. My friend is going through paranoia, anxiety, worry, fear, etc etc. Suddenly you need to get a lawyer just to put your rights and thoughts in perspective, especially if there's a child involved in the whole equation. People get so jaded these days and would just say "Aiya, so common nowadays", "it will take 2 years tops, and let me know if you need me to introduce my lawyer to you".

It's kinda sad to know that in the expense of progress and modernization, I find people take marriage too lightly, and I could say many of my friends do take their partners for granted. I say, take a step back, and think hard. Marriage is a union, not a game.

OCD???????

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: I was helping a friend last night coming up with a checklist of everything that we need to ensure would be in order for an upcoming trip. And she said to unleash the OCD in me and think of everything that could ever go wrong or any nitty gritty details that we could have missed out.

Scary, I really find myself filled with paranoia and trying to literally cover ALL bases to ensure that nothing gets through my claws really. While this could be a good trait at work, because you don't get anything pass you, it can be really exhausting because you tend to be really hard on yourself since you are your own benchmark! Not that you can help it. OCD mah.

Like, I could never leave home if I was to spot a pillow that's not sitting perfectly upright on the couch. I've tried to just not do anything about it and LEAVE. But I'll be thinking about it the whole damn day and so as soon as I come home, I'll spank the pillow up and make sure it's straight! Gosh. There's just this nagging feeling in me where I gotta have everything in an orderly manner, I practically have everything at the same position, like the coasters, the plates etc.

So you can't imagine what's it like when I cook. The amount of cleaning I gotta do after each meal. *Groan* My mom was saying how lucky that my husband doesn't get to enter the kitchen at all....That's because his cleaning is never good enough for me! Sigh. Sometimes I would re-wash whatever he's washed...secretly, else he'll think I'm a cuckoo. (well, now he'll know when he reads this!).

While I dont think my house is spick and span....I know for sure that everything sits in a straight line and in order too. I dont just do spring cleaning once a year but every now and then, ya know. The funny thing is that my dad called me WORM when I was a child because of that, I was always arranging stuff at home!

Exhausting but I wonder, who else out there share the same predicament?

Facebook

Hey, I use facebook all the time. I use it to keep in touch with friends, to stay connected and drop a comment or two for fun, and if it's anything personal, I would send them a message. I guess there is no hard and fast rule on how to use facebook. it's your space and your right.

and it's also other people's right who perhaps find you offensive or for many other reasons then other people could also either HIDE all posts by your, or UNFRIEND you. Either way, facebook is all about freedom of speech and expression!

And so yeah, I may have then UNFRIEND you because:

1) you're constantly ranting about where you've been and how's it compared to all the other places you've been. There's a big difference between "i love taiwan a lot and would love to go there again" and "customer service in first class en route to Frankfurt, SIA anytime etc etc". While I would love to hear about where you've been, I don't like reading people telling me about places but intentionally dropping hints what a jetsetter you are.

2) you're getting way overboard with the mushies with your other half. while it's nice to see you post about how you've celebrated your anniversary, or even how you had a great wedding ceremony etc, I don't need to see declaration of love CONSTANTLY or 'hubby: muaks" etc and the exchange of love goes on and on and on.

3) you try to appear mystical and ethereal by posting status that is an open ended clue or a riddle that with underlying emo-ness. If you have something to say, be transparent, else take it offline. I just dont know how to react to status updates that are too emo.

4) you can't shutup! while I love to hear about you, I dont need to hear about you EVERY FUCKING HOUR. there are just some people who updates about waking up, then going to toilet, then going for breakfast, then to lunch, then work, then getting off work, then about the jam, dinner, then about going to sleep, or not going to sleep, or about to sleep or just not getting enough sleep! OMG. it's information overload and nonsense for one thing!

5) you spread rumours on facebook. I think most of us have been victims at some point in the facebook world. like the little rumor that i was pregnant before my wedding. nuff said.

Diam Diam Ubi Berisi

There's this colleague of mine who never fails to surprise me. And she's a character that interests me since she's quiet but always ever charming if she wants to. I've slowly discovered new things about her and joked that she was a suppressed extrovert and became an introvert involuntarily! Well yesterday, after maybe 4 months long on a team event, she finally made known that she was not happy about being excluded in some discussion although she was part of a selected group in the team to come up with the activities. Well, one thing I must say, as she didn't voice out, so no one really knew. But at the same time, since our company is all about Diversity and Inclusiveness, then someone should have made an effort to include her in. People shouldn't conveniently forget and exclude someone just because she is quiet! I've always been the type that tries to include everyone, especially if you're in the leadership team, you tend to seek opinion from everyone because those who are quiet, sometimes they are withholding some very good ideas because they are shy, so at times just needs to be coaxed or feel that they are part of the team. I find this lacking in the younger generation. The fine personal touch and the sensitivity that you need to make a team work.

Things just seems easier in the past, when leaders were real leaders. When things were simplified and everyone has a common goal : GET THE WORK DONE.

Sad News

My parents said that Rota, my sister's Cambodian maid, has not called home since Jan. And although normally the maids are not allowed to call home for fear that they may get distracted, my mom bought her a calling card anyways. Rota is a mother of 2. I cannot imagine how it must feel to leave your children for 2 years. I finally managed to get through to her husband, after figuring out the country code etc. When she was done, she announced to all of us that her sister passed away and then she broke down and started crying. I gave her a box of tissues and we left her be so she can mourn. 10minutes later, she was back at work, sweeping and washing the dishes. Whilst some of us spoilt ones here, we rant about almost anything, and cry at the slightest, makes us all just seem a little dramatic now. I asked if she was Ok, and she told me and my mom that her niece passed away too! The niece was bit by a stray dog and never healed, so she passed away 3 months later! She told me that she has instructed her husband to fetch her children from her mom's place because there are a lot of dogs there too.

There's a lot of determination and strength in this woman. Never demanding and ever smiling. She continued her work and steers forward.

Customer Service

I have been for the past 2 weeks waiting for someone in my company to deliver my monitor that is already in the store. 2 weeks! Tell me how is that more efficient that the ah kow in a chinafied grocery store that can deliver 1 tong of gas in 1 hour? I dont get it. In the name of the cyberworld and where everything is computerized, I have more emails flying here and there trying to figure out who to deliver the actual goods to me. In the midst of all the chaos, the IT helpdesk has the cheek to INFORM me that they are closing my ticket because in THEIR dept, in terms of getting the other party to acknowledge that an order is already in place, it's a done deal and they can close it. I was like 'HULLO, I still don't have the monitor........" As far as I'm concerned it's all CYBERTALK! talk cock indeed. Wtf. we're better off with the ahbeng in Lowyat.

Pah's Getting Married!

Finally, Pah's getting married this weekend! Although Tih's not here but Tih's been getting updates from me, so you can imagine how excited we are over this. Yeah me, Tih and Pah go way way back.

Our friendship hit the high note (dont know how to describe it !) when we met up again in university. She was one of those who you can really connect on so many levels because we really 'grew up' together. I've seen her through breakups, graduation, working life, new life, being Mrs. Khor really, made me happy even seeing her trying on her evening gown. Weird right, but I guess that's what friendship does to you. :) She also saw me through some of the happiest and worst time of my life.

She's going through the same jitters and worry right now in preparation for her big day tomorrow. Although I do think she's way more calm and less kelam kabut. If you're reading this Kye, think of the bigger picture, there's more to life after the whole ordeal! It will make the nitty gritty details seems insignificant. Embrace the new life as Mr and Mrs Khor! Congrats!

Friendship at Work

I was just reading an article the other day about sustainability at work and how important friends/peers are at work. I could not agree more. It's also our natural instinct to find our niche group when we are at work. People you can connect with and most importantly, people that you trust. And when I say trust, there are many levels of trust that is REQUIRED at work.

I looked back on my previous employments and realize that the friendships I built over the years were great, although not all of them lasted, and some of them went bust immediately as soon as I left the company. I guess it's inevitable. Think about it. As the article points out, the most common topic is about the boss! Or the management.

Nevertheless, it's hard to be a lone ranger at work. I never want to be that lone ranger just because I'm the type who looks forward for lunch and would at my utmost gather people to lunch with me. Dont get me wrong, I can eat alone as I used to eat alone not by choice. But why be the hermit if you can lunch with others. It's sometimes a MUCH NEEDED break from the hustle and bustle in front of the idiot screen (the pc monitor is the idiot screen for me). I need people time after too much of virtual 'interaction' on the internet.

Of course there are some who prefer to be hermits, and if so, let them be and dont try to bug them because everyone has to respect that. Some people just prefer to be private and because some of us spend almost 10-12 hours at work, so maybe they just need their space. Unfortunately there are some bosses who force you into situations where you have to interact involuntarily, I mean why? I understand the need to be visible at work, but what works for you may not necessarily work for another.

Has anyone build a friendship with their boss?? There is always an unsaid barrier. I don't know sometimes if it warrants to be called a friendship. I know there is always mutual respect (well, not all of them!) and sometimes some paranoia from either party! I know none of my bosses have made it on my facebook, that's for sure! But then again, I know some people who are not really 'friends' on facebook , but that's a whole other topic!

I do have friends at work that I hold dear too, although it saddens me that sometimes friends at work come and go, but the least I would do is to stay optimistic. Not all friendships are meant to be, and not seeing them everyday at work doesn't mean the friendship is bust.

Pet Peeves

1) People who don't pay attention

2) People who do not queue

3) People who interrupts you when you're speaking

4) Chinese people who speak Cantonese/Mandarin even though there are people of different races in the group.

5) Judgemental people - who judge too quickly. What you see is not necessarily as what you think.

6) Dirty toilets and wet toilet seats (cmon)

7) Poor customer service- whether banking, restaurants or mobile service provider etc. but I think i've learnt to come into terms with that. :)

8) People who are self centered. Usually these people also falls under #1 and #3 because chances are they dont pay attention to what you're saying hence would keep interrupting you when you're trying to convey something.

9) HYPOCRITES. HYPOCRITES. HYPOCRITES.

10) Verbal Abuse. Form of abuse without inflicting physical pain but can cause long term psychological damage.

Omission is a form of Betrayal

Years ago, I wrote about this, about how omitting the truth is also a form of betrayal. Recently a good friend of mine reminded me of that again. He has is already attached but has a reputation for being really popular with the ladies at work. I've known him for a while and knows that he flirts harmlessly although he denies it and says he treats all of them as friends. HAHA. I then pointed out that he treats me as a FRIEND and not the rest, oh no. I also pointed out that if truly he treats them as friends, then why's he TRYING so hard to justify it to me. (we have a friendship setting that allows me to question him like this :))

I guess that caught him a little bit, that yes, it may be harmless flirting, but he's leading them on nevertheless. And while he's doing all this, the trusting girlfriend suspects nothing. And yes perhaps things that you do not know doesn't hurt you, it doesn't make it right either.

And mind you, just days ago he was telling me about his indecisiveness to take the relationship further by tying the knot. And so I've pointed out that let's work on you giving up the whole 'forest' for one single tree first before you worry about anything else.:) We've already established that the girl is the ONE for him, but is he the right one for her. Just because she is unaware of his 'activity' at work, it doesnt mean it's alright. If I knew my husband is flirting with other girls and forming a reputation for that on top of it all, I would be very disappointed.

Any relationship is built on Trust. Let's get that right.

The Zen Me

Recently I had a conversation with a colleague of mine. She's a real talent but sometimes can be perceived as too ambitious, but really I dont think there's anything wrong with that. In fact I told her to just be herself and not to worry too much. Although I did say at times being too much of a perfectionist can sometimes backfire. Especially if you're a leader, while trying to seek perfection from your team, there should be a balance in matching every individual's wants & needs, and interest. You can't force your level of perfection on others. In short, as what Tache always say, if you can't change the world, change yourself. I hope she took my advice well, as I do see she has potential, just that she's pissed off many people along the way and in my opinion, really unintentionally. Life's a bummer, right?

She did however pointed out that I am a real optimist, always seeing the good in everything. See there was something she did that may have pissed everyone, but not me, as I thought it was not entirely her fault. I guess she knew I didnt think of her that way hence we talked about it. Well, I mean, what's wrong with giving people benefit of the doubt. Nothing to lose mah. And I'll rather not harp on who's to blame but rather what to do next? She thinks that because of my demeanor, people tend to relax around me and confide in me, and that I bring out the zen in others (Wow....hahaha). Which was why some of our colleagues are close to me, in which she says that it is an advantage. If I'm ambitious, then it'll work out for me because no one would suspect anything and take people by surprise. If i'm not ambitious, well I'll just breeze through work and have lots of friends and support along the way.

Fortunately, I'm not really ambitious, although I do want to excel in what I do, I dont really think too much of it. There's really more to life and I want to make sure I dont miss out on the other good stuff. She thinks I have potential to go further, but really to be honest, it's not the first time I hear this, but I'll rather keep a low profile, because I think that's the key to survival. I'll rather be happy going to work and be left alone to do my work. Everyone measures job satisfaction differently. You may think I'm too complacent, but then, why not?

News

This week was full of news. Good and bad. But I dont think it is bad news as it's always good to know and find a solution rather than sweeping it under the carpet. That's what Mom said. It's amazing what our family has gone through over the past decade that nothing fazes us anymore. It is a test of faith and we just need to move along and confront it with a smile really. Although there are some of us in the family who cannot do anything, it's really alright because sometimes a little support is all one needs. Afterall we are not the one who has to go under the knife. So just move along and not fret over it. It is life and no point to be miserable about it.

Mom and dad are amazing. As sis broke the news to dad, he was calm as usual. I then broke the news to mom and she was objective, only asking when does sis need her, not bothering with the details of the medical complications. She said "ahhh, we've been through similar crisis, you guys gotta give me more credit, I can handle anything...hehe". Sometimes we forget mom's a trouper. Tache seems fine (maybe that little episod you had over new year was timely!) and crazily she reminded me of mom - being objective about it all. So anyways, I remember she once told me that if you can't change the world, change yourself! or change how we react to things.

So here's wishing Alvyn all the best. We may not be able to do anything but we support you! Just focus on taking care of yourself, because taking care of yourself means taking care of your family. Good Luck!

Staying Positive at Work

Easier said than done really but I think it's really mind over matter at times... (unless everyday you feel like killing yourself or someone or everyone at work!). I tend to make it a point to LOVE going to work every morning. I love it that in the mornings I'm the first one there for the normal day shift. There are those from the night shift that would linger on and I'll chat with one or 2 of them. It's also my quiet time to catch up with emails while having my morning drink. Well I start at 7am and people only start trickling in at 9am! so it's a good 2 solid hours of power hour just replying or doing some work quietly.

I spend my mornings also catching up with colleagues even if it's just a short chat. The morning drags on until 11am and I'll be anticipating lunch! Nowadays it's just bread or a snack at the panty, but you know, we need that short break. Talk cock sing song or just to have a meaningless chatter at lunch is really rejuvenating. A break from really serious stuff.

Because not long after that, it's power hour in the afternoon. My afternoons tend to be short since I leave at 4 or 4.30pm. I make it a point to go home ontime because really there's no point in dragging work till late evening when you're out of focus and feeling HUNGRY. Anything can wait till the next day really. One more email is not going to make any difference!

And that's how I stay positive at work. Friends, endless chatter (this has worked in all my jobs!), lunch, and in general just make every hour worthwhile so you dont have to stay till late evening.

Idealism

A friend of mine today asked me if she is being too idealistic at times ..to a point she's losing realism of things. But why, I ask her? It's OK to hold on to your idealism.... We need that sometimes. And whatever that keeps you going, you should keep it.

Many times, I hear people who says they are jaded. That oh, they are too old for that kind of idealism, that they are living in the 'real' world. But, really, I don't think there's anything wrong with being naive at times. Ask stupid questions if you have to. It's better than not to ask at all!

It's Ok to think corruption is bad and that you wish things were better. It's really better than just accepting it. Really, one day are we going to be so jaded that we're going to walk away when we see wrongdoings right at our face? Just dismiss it that oh, that's the real world we live in....I mean no wonder Malaysia is in the state that it's in. People just sit down there and criticize Dr M for trying to have a national car for Malaysia, but hey, at least he had a dream. At least he had an idealism, of what Malaysia could be.

I told my friend to hold on to it. It's OK and it's what keeps us motivated. People who are jaded I think are just lazy at times. Yes some thinks it's being realistic, but there are some who just can't be bothered even though they can do something about it. Now that's just sad.

Child Abuse

In UNICEF today, I heard them say that child abuse is not only abuse in a physical form but also mentally and emotionally. Some people that I see verbally abusing their child but sadly, they do not realize it is a form of abuse! Humiliation is one of it. Intimidation and dismissing a child is also a form of abuse.

"Emotional abuse can be the most difficult to identify because there are usually no outward signs of the abuse. Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause damage just as physical abuse does."

Perhaps Asians do it so often that they dont realize it. But how many of you have witnessed verbal abuse in some form here? Like telling a child that he would never amount to anything, dismissing a child whenever he attempts at anything because well, he's never done good in anything so why should it be any different now?, or ignoring a child's opinion disregarding his take on anything, bullying the child by jeering and throwing insults at him (sadly, I do sometimes see this, why? ).

Look around you, and stop verbal abuse.

Responsibility

It is such a big and serious word. It's something we Asians are proud of, that we carry that in WHATEVER we do. Whether in performing our duties as first a child, a student, an employee, an employer, a father/mother as we live. We try to fulfill to our best what we define as a responsibility.

But when do we stop? It's a fair line, I'd say between responsibility and a doormat. Some people take advantage of you, and sometimes even your relative or family can do that to you too. I've always believed that even if someone is taking advantage of me, depending on how severe, and if it's part of fulfilling my responsibility, JUST DO IT. Because I have faith in god and that god is watching over us anyways. And now you'd ask, how to just the severity of it. If it was just for a meal, heck, it's Ok. If we're talking about millions of dollars and I can afford it, WHY NOT.

But if someone is manipulating your sense of responsibility to their full advantage, to help to upkeep their lives...and to obviously make a fool out of you, well then maybe it's time to call it quits. I'm thankful that my parents have never made me feel that I am forced to fulfill my responsibility, the way that they have treated me, it's an honor for me to be able to take them out for dinner, to buy them something/anything just because they've never ever wanted anything from me. I've never felt that I was burdened or that I'm carrying a weight of responsibility. Not many people know what a luxury that is. That's because I know some people who hold their kids ransom just because they think they reserve the rights to do so as the people who brought them to life in this world. A friend of mine said he's never asked to be brought into this world, and so why should his parents think that he has to fulfill his duties as a son. That's really not a filial thing to say. But matters of the heart is complicated. he cannot control how he feels and you can't tell someone you CANNOT feel that way.

For this, I'm thankful. And some parents do not know that the more they push the child to feel responsible for them, the more they shy away from them.

Us and Technology

When you want to organize a party...

Put up a facebook invitation. I know it's not cool to invite someone to a wedding via facebook invitation, but it's good to be used as a tracker I think. Just so you dont miss anyone out. But a personal call I think is still necessary. Keep the brotherhood and sisterhood alive!

When you want to call someone..

It wasn't good enough to be able to just make a phone call, it had to be via a mobile phone, facebook, iphone, whatsapp. I remember I had to locate a relative about a death in the family, and because his phone was switched off while in the US, i had to facebook his SON. it took 1 week of calling, and finally 1 day via Facebook to locate him. When I initially started using ICQ, then MSN Messenger, I thought wow, the world is flat. Then we have Skype, gChat, etc, and now my office Communicator I can make calls and people can call me via the communicator without having a phone at all. But I dunno about you, but we're so accessible these days, that I secretly switch off everything at times. I dont switch on my fbchat....or my messenger anymore, and only gchat occasionally. the office communicator is enough to keep me busy and that's not something i can opt to switch off unfortunately!

When you want to have a face to face meeting...

It used to be when we had to set up a f2f meeting, brave the traffic jam and get to someone's office. I missed that really, despite the jam. Nothing like interpersonal touch. Now, we have to skype, video conferencing, livemeeting etc, and if all fails, just do a conference call? It's been years of working really in a virtual environment but I never got the itch off wondering how the other person in the other side of the world looks like. Hey this also reduce travel :( at work.

When you want to find a restaurant to eat...

We used to rely on word of mouth, calling someone "eh tell me how to get there". Now we have food blogs to do research, iPhone apps to read reviews...GPS to take us there. I was eating at a restaurant yesterday and Andrew was pissed off because of the portion served was really small, and it was highly recommended by food bloggers (WTF) , overrated, and we went to the one next door which was our favourite. Anyways, Andrew immediately commented via an app called Foursquare to review (i know, i should ban iphone-ing semasa makan soon). There's no chance to be shortchanged these days, but then you get dumbo, blogging-for-money idiots who has no whatsoever culinary sense. Hey someone should blog about these stupid food bloggers. I understand disclaimers that it's based on individual's taste, but cmon, Coffee Chemistry in Giza? Betty Midwest Kitchen in Aman Suria? gosh.

For travelling purpose...

I used to rely on wikipedia and Lonely Planet and all sorts of guide books for information. Nowadays, because we're so busy, all research done is really last minute, and only when I actually get on the plane that I have a blank mind to finally go with full force on a holiday. So, with technology actually, it has been so much more convenient to check for info, either via GPS, or via iPhone apps, or via internet cafes/kiosks that are everywhere in any country. No more heavy books!

And so, there are pros and cons. But embrace technology if it makes sense. But what makes sense is subjective to the individual. E.g. I dont sms or fb my mom. She smses me one liners at times. "come for dinner", and I'll call her back. My dad's a little bit more technology savvy so I read his blog and smses him. hehe. But we make it a point to see them FACE TO FACE every week. The presence is important. I dont like my coffee-of-the-day with imn and eva virtually :( because there's nothing like a live gossip! So same as work life balance, we need to have a life techno balance. It that makes sense at all. Haha.

worryWart

Well into my early 30s....it has got me thinking about a lot of things. Weiyi used to say that i'm a worry wart. itulah inilah..etc etc. Because of this I bulldozed through many things telling myself that really I worry too much about things I can't control. I'll be 40 by the time I make any decision at all!

And so, I've pretty much organized the whole wedding trying not to be a control freak. There were hits and misses but I'll rather remember the hits (that's what emelda advised me , thanks!). I was worried too about being married and not able to spend CNY with my parents. I guess I didnt give Andrew enough credit :), we're going back to my hometown for reunion dinner alternate year. He thought all that out even before me.

I also bought a car last week. I've never been the type who would change car like tukar baju. I was willing to hold on to my Kelisa as long as it is still (barely) in one piece! But my BIL called me and said he got a great offer for a 2nd hand car, and the fact that I drive to Cyberjaya (quite bahaya also le, driving that little kelisa weaving through the highway), and that my car is already 9 years old! If i waited any longer, I wouldnt be able to sell off my Kelisa. And so, without even seeing the car (putting a lot of trust in my dad and BIL judgement) i decided to just take the plunge.

I guess my mantra being turning 40 would hv to be stop worrying too much and just take the plunge. The question of having a child is inevitable. And I'll have to ask myself what's stopping me. I have enough love and support to take me through really. IN particular a friend of mine, I could see her maternal instincts kicking in already, even before she has tied the knot!) incredible what aging can do....

There are always challenges ahead, it sounds really corny, but with determination and faith, things always seems to work out right.

Vocal

Where I work now, visibility is everything. Everyone has to be vocal. And you want to be heard. But...there are some who just want it more than others. So people end up trying too hard. If you speak for the sake to be heard, then, you're insulting the rest of the people's intelligence. Because we know why you do this. But be visible for the right reasons.

The King's Speech

After watching 127 Hours, Black Swan, The Social Network....The King's Speech is definitely my Oscar pick. Totally impeccable acting by Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush and Helen Bonham Carter. I'm beginning to like these kinda movies that does not depend on a lot of visual effects (*ala michael bay*), simple plot (unlike the tourist *puke*), and really just pure good chemistry and momentum of the movie. Colin Firth was my favourite in this movie. Try and stammer like him, you'll know he definitely deserves the Best Actor award!

Junie

We just did her farewell in PD last week. She's leaving for Munich real soon to tie the knot with a great guy, and I'm really happy for her to have at long last find someone she loves, and to spend the rest of her life with. Sounds corny, but really that's how I feel, only because we've been friends for too long, that I know it is probably the biggest decision she's ever made.

And yes, we've been friends since in the kindie. Gosh. Then in primary school, we were in separate schools, but were reunited in secondary school (yar, Ipoh is that small!, we all eventually wind up together no matter how far we go). And our friendship has had ups and downs, just like any other, but I guess it's what that strengthens a relationship I think. There's no way we could have survived nearly 27 years (gulp) of friendship without a tiff or two. I've not always have spent more time with her as growing up I've gone on to separate college and university etc.

You see, she's lost her mother in her teens, and I guess I was too young to fully understand the impact it had on her. She recently told me, she envies me for the littlest things, I have my mother to consult on delicate issues, and sisters to share things and do things together, simple things like shopping! I guess we've always taken that for granted. She said she's always relied on friends for that kinda things, and well not all friends are free what with some being married, or attached or having their own family outings. You know, having a mother and a united family is really crucial when you have a wedding lined up, and I've learned to appreciate that from her.

I try to be that friend, and really it's good to be on the giving end. But recently I've also been on the receiving end from her. Not so much material or monetary wise, but just her support throughout the wedding preparations and just taking the stress out of everything by just being there and organizing things. I'm gonna miss that dearly. I'll miss her drama and opinions in choice of restaurants...in food, in clothes, how she always tells me to stop HUNCHING. haha.

There's really a lot of good qualities in her that she probably doesn't realize, take for example being sensitive to her friends needs... It's quite rare because everyone's so self-centered! Also the fact that she makes the effort to get to know someone's other half. You know half the time, the other halfs kena dragged to some outings, and really it's rude not to try and layan them, and really June does it so well. Definitely CORP COMM material! I'm kinda glad she hits it off so well with Andrew, kind of a great integration of great friends and the spouse. And you know, she's the kind of friend who's always upfront and REAL. I can always rely on her for a brutally honest opinion. No buttering up the truth. That's the kind of friend you want to hold on to.

I wish you the best June. By the time you read this, you'd be in Munich, but here's my way of celebrating our long friendship. auf Wiedersehen!