Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Words

Lucas has moved from one word to a real chatterbox.
Things he is saying these days .....
Baby Here!!
Hit the ball
Mummy's phone/shoe/shirt
Santa Claus Ho ho ho
Cannot cry/scratch
Come!
Uncle/kor kor/Jie Jie Drum
Draw drum/cup
Poo poo chow chow
Put eye medicine
Take the book
Go outside
Wear shoes
 So proud of u my little preemie boy!

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Is this a norm?

After a chat with my close friends I realize we fall into the trap of mommying the husband. Is it because we are more efficient or too anal ? It is the husband just plain out to annoy us by being defiant or are we simply asking for too much??? Perhaps it's time to reevaluate some of our priorities. I must admit my son comes first because he is a child and a child depends on us for almost everything. Many is in the opinion that the woman must almost fulfil every single role - the mother and the wife. But no one speaks of what a man should do as a husband. While the husband is always said to be neglected but no one feels for the woman when she is sidelined by the husband. I like to think that this is not a norm because I do hear of husbands who would give a pat of encouragement for the wife who toiled the whole day for the child.... Or the husband who still remembers to buy flowers and gifts, or at least a simple thank you on a really tough day at home. 

Monday, November 11, 2013

Counting my blessings

I Hv been meaning to post this. I count my blessing everyday that I have a chance to be a mummy to Lucas, a husband who is devoted to the family, parents who help me in my journey and supportive sisters. I find that there is nothing I can do ever to show my gratitude. Have u ever felt this way before. Family who does leaps and bounds for no other reason than love. I hope Lucas continues to grow up surrounded with love from everyone. It is times like this that I wish for nothing else but that the moment stays stagnant forever where nobody ever leaves us. It has always been my fear that I would lose someone I love. Especially family. It was not easy to accept the demise of my grandma and really I am not sure how I would handle losing another loved one. I hope we stay like this forever  .

Thursday, September 05, 2013

You will never walk alone

"You will never walk alone". And yet I have never been more alone at times in this journey as a working mother and wife. There are times when I am beyond exhaustion that I just do not want to say anything anymore. Mom thinks I have had it easy already and I do agree to some degree. I don't need to worry about babysitter or my dinners after work because my mom takes care of these two most important area. And only one child. 

I do agree but we live in an era where work is more competitive and stressful. I am one of those who don't really compare with others but it does not mean I stop keeping up and progressing in my career. I just don't go all out but I still gotta perform at least within the required benchmark. 

And at the same time I am all the time expected to cater to every aspect of my child's needs. Diapers, milk, clothes, feeding, bath time, sleep , night feeding, poo, books, diaper bag , snacks , water etc you name it. Me and only me. Let's not forget in between all this I still have housework. 

I know we women are born to juggle....but really I could use a break. It would be nice one day to come  home with all housework done... Or necessity get bought even before I could think of it, or bills get paid in advance. 

The house renovation is another big project and unfortunately the burden lies on me to get things together. I envy other women who don't need to lift a finger , and to have the assurance that everything gets taken cared of. In my case, nothing ever gets taken care of without my intervention !

You may say I need to chill and let others do the worrying but no. Not when money is involved. Too much is at stake. Like I can wait till someone else do the housework but hygiene would be compromised and it doesn't go down well when you have a kid. Or wait for the house Reno to get sorted out on its own but no. I am paying for two homes now..

My colleague asked me one day why my whatsapp status was Persevere. If I do not persevere then what else I could do? Cry? I like to think I am a fighter and choose to soldier on. Even if I have to walk alone.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Independence

Once you become a mother you suddenly find your time locked down - you need to be home on time to fetch your kid either from the babysitter or in my case from my mom. You also gotta learn to juggle your time on your own like when to do your housework and simple things like shaving your legs.

For the longest time I didn't have the courage to strap Lucas on the car seat and drive him home myself. Because he will fuss and cry. Also coz I was coward. Both of us had to take him home or if he can't then my mom. Logistics nightmare. Few weeks back when my mom had a health scare I decided to brave the jam with Lucas. So far so good, I just need to throw toys at him and feed him honey stars. I consider this a major win for myself.

One step at a time. My next challenge - lunchtime with Lucas in a joint. I have done it before but have never driven out. Think I will walk somewhere nearby for now

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

A new hobby

I have had few hobbies but things kinda stopped when Lucas came along. But it's time to resurrect some or embark on new ones if possible. It used to be cooking, music, movies, travelling. I wish to resurrect these soon. And blogging too. That needs some attention now. Currently I love interior designing also because I am renovating our new home! Suddenly kitchen cabinets, lights, taps and etc sounds exciting these days!

Someone somewhere said we shouldn't stop having hobbies just because we became mummies. Peace.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

My innocent child

My toddler squeal in delight when I tickle him or pretend to eat his legs. Sometimes I whisper to him to call daddy. I love his wide eyes that stares into mine. And then he flashes a big smile it really melts me. Till today he still kisses me before he gets into the tub..... Hihi .he has been a little grabby too these days��.
In the back of my mind I wish he could be my baby forever but if course he has to learn to walk, to self feed, to talk, to listen instruction. But more than ever I feel a need to equip him to face this big fat world. An ugly one too. In a way I m glad he is a boy, imagine all the worry I would have if I had a daughter!
I know one day he would probably be too busy for his mummy ,but that's ok. I hope my blog leaves him something to guide him. I might not know a lot but I guess I put a lot of my thoughts here.
It is exactly one week before I cast my vote. This is for you Lucas. I hope you see a better Malaysia.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Respect

People have lost this value. Respect for oneself, for your wife, for the mother of a child. I have a thing about people trying to impose what they think is right to your chid just because of maybe hearsay, or just because they were mothers before. At times I like to listen first without judging because I do respect that these people have experience but I immediately get annoyed if one starts harping on it as if repeating themselves would make me do as they say. I think others should respect that my mom who is the caregiver and me the main caregiver have gotten this far and while we may not be the best but we must have gotten something right as Bubu hits his eleventh month! The most annoying is about having porridge. Sounds so trivial but really it does get to me. My mom doesn't believe in porridge and who am I to judge her, she raised me just fine so I listen to her reasoning and leave it as that.

I also find it annoying people tend to take Bubu as some trophy. Real love you think? I think real love is the sleepless nights, the feedings, the playtime, the poo poo episodes, the endless morning and evening walks, the days when he is sick that we pour in for the past 11 months. People like to snatch him away from him as if to distract him sometimes without asking me, all because he will stick to mummy. People don't read enough to know that this is not right as it would build unnecessary trauma of being snatched and being abandoned. Babies don't know enough to know that you are just fooling around with him. Well, at least have the decency to ask the Mother first before attempting on any stunts you think is right.

The ,it's goes on and on. Finally it really just boils down to respect. What works with other babies may not work for Bubu. Respect that the mother has toiled 9 months and we should know best. 

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Jugglers

It is Lucas' 3rd week staying with us including weekdays, we are no longer weekend parents. While this does seems challenging it is worthwhile waking up to my baby every morning even if it is 4 am in the morning. Countless zombified morning feeds and interrupted sleep, and zoning out at work. But the body is amazing that I very quickly adapt.

Work has started to slow down a bit for me. Last year was really challenging doing with few tenders running simultaneously amongst everything else. There are higher expectations now tht I m in a higher grade.

And all this while I try to be a good mother. It is the toughest job in the world. How can you chill about being a mom, but you have to else you really lose your sanity. I must admit I had terrible outbursts usually at Andrew but I realize he is as much a clueless father as a blur mommy that I am! I am just better equipped with my maternal instinct! Having my mom and dad and the support system that I have ( my sisters) really helped. There were so many times my sisters would take over and carry him around and I count my blessings every time quietly because he is a heavy boy!

And we are all jugglers, with work and family but seeing Bubu growing up and reaching his milestones just lit up my tiring sleepy days. 

Monday, December 17, 2012

Xmas 2012

Merry Christmas my little Bubu. You pooped on us twice today's but had us in a stitch as you marvel innocently at those Christmas trees everywhere! You got yourself a bonus shower too. I took ou to see the gigantic Christmas tree and told you Merry Xmas! It is your firsts and many more to come! This blog is my present to you. A little gift that started from 3 buddies, Kye, your aunt Imn and your Mummy. Read nd hopefully you will know Mummy was more than just an old nag.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

2012

It is pretty amazing that we survived the 10 months of Lucas Yeong. Amidst the busy work schedule and us trying to juggle parenthood, and getting a new house. 2012 went by in a flash. And it is a year of humility and love and being grateful.

As a mother I learnt that there are some things beyond our control and god is always watching out for us, there are times when you have to say que sera sera. I remember those moments vividly when Lucas was in the incubator the first week of his life. And when he went back to the hospital for 2 nights because of jaundice.and when he had his first flu.

I am ever grateful to my family especially my mother for showering boundless love to Lucas and us. Our little family unit would not be anything without this love. Mom for taking care of Lucas when I have to work, and dad for entertaining my son who loves the porch under the hot sun. Erche for entertaining him and showering him little hugs and kisses. Book for letting Lucas sleep with mom in the book's household, and letting him bring the house down with his whining! My mom. Has done so much more for me than I can ever to her. A mother's love truly knows no boundary. Yaps told me she learn to appreciate her mother more when she became a mother herself. I could not agree more.

Suddenly a lot of things don't matter anymore. A lot of things seems very petty now that I am a mother. Someone wrote that when a baby is born , a mother is born too and god passes on a bundle of energy to the mother to brave the front for the little ones. How true! Never did I imagine I could find the strength that I have now. Of course a smile and a laugh from Lucas is enough to rejuvenate me. 10 months of a hiatus, and many more to come!

I think Andrew has grown too. It is not easy to deal with a work schedule like his and a demanding wife haha. But I only demand time and devotion because of an advice my friend gave me; kids grow up very fast, and before you know it they will be going off to university and would have their own family. Secretly I love it when Lucas clings to me like a koala bear and it worries me that I am loving it so much that learning to detach when he gets older would be a feat! And I want Andrew to feel that and not miss it.

I count my blessings for my little water dragon and my rooster man!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Lost The Plot?

My phone went bust the other day so I have been using a really old Nokia phone. I love it because really I can chuck it anywhere and I know nobody would want it, the battery lasts for 3 days and it is small so I could keep it in my pocket. Sounds like the perfect phone for me because I really just use the phone for its original intended objective, making calls and receiving calls.

I can't believe the amount of remarks and snickering I got for using that phone, haha! Why la, this phone sooooo pariah! Get an iPhone la. Get an android phone la. Very suaku la. Bla bla bla. So much hoo haa over a phone really.

And the list goes on. Why you stay in a 1 bedroom apartment. Why you don't use a handbag! Why are you driving a Vios still? Why you don't wear any diamonds....

Interestingly enough today I went for a class and touched on self esteem, and how one measures success. It is apparent from the above that people obviously measure success by material that they think represents their status. If that is so, I must be measured to be extremely unsuccessful!

But then it depends on how you measure and what you deem success to be, the trainer continued on. If one does not succumb to peer pressure, what do you truly think success is all about? Mine is really simply to be happy and for the people aroun me to be well taken care of in all aspects in life. Sure money is important but it is not the most important thing to me anyways.

Back to the phone, only my brother in law said it is just phone. Who cares what phone you are using, can function mah can lor. And what we buy or use is really our personal choice and should be respected.

Do you think we Malaysians somehow have lost the plot along the way?  Asians are the biggest spenders for luxury goods with Japan being # 1 and China #2. Malaysians are joining in to the race for the best of the best you can buy and what the market can offer. The catch is that we don't really make as much as the japs or the Chinese.

As I listen to the trainer today I made a mental note that one day, I hope to inspire Bubu to find Real measures of success. It should not always be about money. Every day that we nurture and witness Bubu grow, is a success for me. every milestone is a success for me. And no canggih android phone can beat that.


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Exhausted

I so wanted to start writing again since several weeks ago, but I am so overwhelmed these days. I bet all mommies feel this way. Mind you that I am lucky that I don't do night feeds on  weekdays Since Lucas stays with my mom and I only attend to him in the evenings, and weekends. But I am still exhausted. My day begins at 6 am, mad rush to Cyberjaya. My work includes support Malaysia and Netherlands, but I report to the US. Which means night calls! So I clock out by 4pm, rushes to my sister's place and takes over from mom in layan-ing Lucas, shower, feeding and putting him to sleep, and catch dinner in between. All these done by 8pm, and thn I would rush back to my home to get onto my night conference calls, granted not every night but on average 3 night. And all this with doing the laundry and house chores plus doing the bills in between.

I secretly take a breather in the mornings when I reach the office.... Al though these days I am playing catch up with my emails since I get it from around the globe ...sigh. I cherish my lunch hour.... Really it is the only time when I munch my food PROPERLY..... My dinners are always a 5 min meal since Lucas would be cranky wanting to sleep.

Things are not getting any easier at work either since I got the promotion in Nov2011. There are higher expectations and the competitive environment doesn't help. I try to stay grounded and true doing my very best to my own capability. That is about all I aim to do at this point. I am not juggling more plates than I can handle. I want to say that things have not changed but I must admit I had to now prioritize... Some things that in the past I would not have let off so easily I now try to take a  chill pill and let it be. I look at what's worth my time and stress over.

Weekends I get Lucas but the constant shuttling can be overwhelming. I do wish I could have him on weekdays but for now, this is the best solution while keeping myself sane. My target is to have him even weekdays nights before he turns one. I tried to change my current work situation but it does not look promising, so I guess suck it up and just MANAGE it. Sun nights are always tough for me because I have to "return" him to my mom...come Monday I immerse myself in work to sort out the separation anxiety...but by 4 pm... I bolt right out of the office building. I am at my sister's place in 30 mins..... Cyberjaya to Ara Damansara, in 30mins. No joke. Sometimes I am so sleepy I have to remind myself to focus on the road..

It all sounds exhausting but I guess it is part and parcel of what it means to be a mother. Seeing him  grow makes everything else seems frivilous. I never really felt a need to get away from him to meet friends. Usually it is the fathers who feel this way. I made it clear to my boss and friends, my duty as a mother and daughter comes first. So although my mom says take a break, go out with your friends, I can't bear the thought of my 60 something mom juggling between making dinner and taking care of Lucas t the same time. Granted she has a maid, but I should not rely on others if I can help it. Maybe I am just too anal about it, but I made it a point that I would meet my friends only once I put Lucas to sleep. It is very easy for one to just leave it to their wives... As a full time working mom I juggle but I commit to my motherly duties. It is easy to say oh I have too much work, i need to work overtime? But I know if I don make it to my mom's by 5pm, the burden falls on my mom. and not anyone else. Come 4 pm, I just have to tell myself, look you have unfinished work but you have no choice but to stop, and convene once you have attended to your son's needs.. So I end up most of the time continuing work at night.... Or really early morning and sometimes during lunch.

I guess what really irks me is that men don't really have this mindset. They don't mind if the other assumingly more capable women of the likes of moms, moms-in-law or the wife takes on this responsibility. Much has not gone to dwell on the role of the father. In the past men may be the sole breadwinners , but this day and era, that is no longer the case. Women also shares the monetary burden, and I mean the average working mothers. And yet, the women are to date still the Number 1 caregiver. What gives? I don't want to dwell on whether this is fair or not. My take is your loss is my gain. Despite the exhaustion and stress, I gain because I really enjoy seeing him grow day by day. I don't want to just play with him at my convenience. I really want to be involved and be part of his first few years. Sadly, men don't see it that way. They like to take care of their child WHEN it is convenient for them. When work is done.

Some thinks that I am too intense... Or tensed up... But I rather have something passionate to live for, and if not for my son, then what else?

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Senile

I was walking out of my sister's place and saw an old lady walking with an umbrella as her tongkat. She said hi and I said hi back. Then she turned back and scolded the maid to leave her.... And go away. At first I thought the maid was disturbing her, but i don't think she would coz she looked like some little girl. Then the old lady proceeded to walk in the middle of the road! Very slowly too I might add. Mom then saw me still outside and went out to have a look she then clarified that the old lady was her friend's sister..... Senile and the maid was told to follow her in case she doesn't know how to come home! Sad. I mean it is more than sad. It is also disturbing that this could happen to any one of us. My mom then also added that she is a spinster. Sigh. As we grow older, I guess our fears have changed. Can't help but worry when I grow old too. 

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Hickory dickory dock?

I sing this nursery rhyme almost everyday.... And many other nursery rhymes everyday, not really having a clue if Lucas loves it or understands it. Until few days ago, Lucas laughed and chuckled excessively when I sang this ( with my fingers running up and down his body!).... Wow. It is really one of those indicators of his milestones.

And the motivation for this was that mom told me not to be lazy. Babies do hear and understand and feel things. And I am always reminded by mom and also my memories of my eldest sister reading and singing with my niece. I now know it is not a simple task. I hav not begun reading him stories o just doing songs with him for now. Mom also says my eldest sister would flash cards at my niece .... And that perhaps contributed to my niece good reading and spoken English....

I wonder if I could be as good. I recently joined a Facebook group called Mummies Connect and boy those mothers really makes you feel inadequate because they really go all the way and by all means for their little ones.

Call it kiasuness.... But if you do nothing you may regret it or there is this gnawing thought that says, man what kind of Mother are you? Or you are not doing enough! Or you have not one all you could for him to realize his potentials...... So yes, the guilt trips will never end unfortunately.

So I guess just strive on and enjoy the process. I try not to stress myself out. My sister once told me the best art class is no art class because it will just limit a child's creativity if someone has to tell you draw a flower as how you would perceive it. So there are just some things that Lucas will just have to explore on his own.....

Till then....I am doing overtime to up my list of nursery rhymes. The boy is getting bored. And that is with almost 15 nursery rhymes sung repeatedly ok......

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