Principle Dilemma

I do believe it really takes a lot to change me. Well, duh, it took years to 'form' me! I am what I am and there are just some things that I just won't and can't change. Like my habits, my preference and my stand on certain things. Change in my job, or change in my marital status, or my age will not change this.

Have you ever been caught in a situation when some people want you to conform to what they think is the perfect or rightful daughter, son, daughter-in-law, son-in-law, employee, employer, mother, father etc. Have you ever had to speak or behave differently because others do not approve?

But it's true, over time, we need to 'change'. We cannot be self-centered and only do what we want. We'll have to compromise. But never compromise your principles. So hard to decide whether your principles are right or wrong though.

Like for instance, going home for the CNY eve. Say you're married, and traditionally, the wife should spend CNY eve at the husband's side. Over the years, people have compromised and now the husbands are ok to go back during alternate years. Is this wrong? My dad has no sons....and if all of us are not allowed to come back during CNY eve, who's gonna spend CNY eve with my parents? Although they are fine with it....reason being that we could always come back on the 1st day or 2nd day, but i guess it's not fine with me. I cannot imagine them being alone during CNY eve, and I guess I would not be enjoying CNY eve either.

My working environment is as such that everything is client-orientated. We need to do our best to make the client look good. My livelihood and sustainability relies on how they rate us. They are crude and chinaman-like and do not hesitate to tell you what they feel about the Indian subordinates and colleagues. Few times I had to bite my tongue, but my conscience tells me I should say something. And I did, but indirectly. It eats on me as I know they deserve better credit. At least they were more tactful and articulate when dealing with a problem, and not jump into unjust complaints laced with racism. When I share this, everyone says "learn to ignore". And I guess that helps.

Over the years, yes, I've had to deal with my own principles, modifying it and adjusting it when necessary. It's so hard to hold on to your cards sometimes. Sometimes we just need to let it go.

Merry Merry Xmas Everyone

Got our tree up. Ho Ho Ho...have a merry one :)

On a New Ship

"You've been reassigned." Of course, that was never how it was said. So much was said but I guess that's what it means. I've been offered a new opportunity to do a different program within the consulting group which I gladly accept. Bored and getting complacent, me and I guess my boss knew I need a change. A challenge. Another beginning.

I was only given a week to say my goodbyes and do my handover. Great. I like a fast departure. It would make leaving my new found friends easier and the transition to a new place fret-free.

I guess what makes it hard to leave would be the great team I am in. I would miss the early morning emails from my Australian actress-turned-consultant colleague, the continuous queries from my jap counterpart and constant gossiping with my singaporean and KL (now in penang) counterpart, and the lame ejek from the korean fella. Would I ever find a better team than this.

Aihhh, it's not like me to get nostalgic, but being alone in a floor-ful of non-colleagues make us appreciate one another. However, I'm excited and cannot wait to get on the new ship and sail! and DIVERSIFY!

Grudge

I've just got news of an estranged family friend who collapsed over the week with a mild stroke. He and his girlfriend used to spend all festivities and even Chinese New Year with us in Ipoh. That was until a misunderstanding about 2 years ago. Things were never the same and we kept our distance.

He had a mild stroke and was in the ICU. As soon as I heard, I called up mom and asked if she'd want see her godson. So we trotted off to Pantai hospital on Sunday afternoon. I could tell Mom was nervous but I kept her mind busy with endless chatter. As soon as we got to his ward, it was most emotional as my mom saw his girlfriend (also mom's goddaughter) and they started hugging each other trying to hold their tears back. Even I could not control my tears as the sight of him was unbearable. He was not his usual mighty and confident self, confined to the hospital bed. He was slurring and trying his best to explain himself. He threw in a laugh here and there, and tried his level best to stay alert.

We shared a light moment with his parents just chatting and sharing stories and jokes. We've never met them before, and they've never met their son's 'other family' that he spends CNY with.

I guess one could and should not hold a grudge to one's deathbed. Afterall, any religion would tell you to forgive and forget. I believe he did what he did out of desperation and if we were indeed 'family', then let's take it that it was a dreadful mistake and that he's paid his dues with sufferings. I think that's enough punishment. What you think?