Diam Diam Ubi Berisi

There's this colleague of mine who never fails to surprise me. And she's a character that interests me since she's quiet but always ever charming if she wants to. I've slowly discovered new things about her and joked that she was a suppressed extrovert and became an introvert involuntarily! Well yesterday, after maybe 4 months long on a team event, she finally made known that she was not happy about being excluded in some discussion although she was part of a selected group in the team to come up with the activities. Well, one thing I must say, as she didn't voice out, so no one really knew. But at the same time, since our company is all about Diversity and Inclusiveness, then someone should have made an effort to include her in. People shouldn't conveniently forget and exclude someone just because she is quiet! I've always been the type that tries to include everyone, especially if you're in the leadership team, you tend to seek opinion from everyone because those who are quiet, sometimes they are withholding some very good ideas because they are shy, so at times just needs to be coaxed or feel that they are part of the team. I find this lacking in the younger generation. The fine personal touch and the sensitivity that you need to make a team work.

Things just seems easier in the past, when leaders were real leaders. When things were simplified and everyone has a common goal : GET THE WORK DONE.

Sad News

My parents said that Rota, my sister's Cambodian maid, has not called home since Jan. And although normally the maids are not allowed to call home for fear that they may get distracted, my mom bought her a calling card anyways. Rota is a mother of 2. I cannot imagine how it must feel to leave your children for 2 years. I finally managed to get through to her husband, after figuring out the country code etc. When she was done, she announced to all of us that her sister passed away and then she broke down and started crying. I gave her a box of tissues and we left her be so she can mourn. 10minutes later, she was back at work, sweeping and washing the dishes. Whilst some of us spoilt ones here, we rant about almost anything, and cry at the slightest, makes us all just seem a little dramatic now. I asked if she was Ok, and she told me and my mom that her niece passed away too! The niece was bit by a stray dog and never healed, so she passed away 3 months later! She told me that she has instructed her husband to fetch her children from her mom's place because there are a lot of dogs there too.

There's a lot of determination and strength in this woman. Never demanding and ever smiling. She continued her work and steers forward.

Customer Service

I have been for the past 2 weeks waiting for someone in my company to deliver my monitor that is already in the store. 2 weeks! Tell me how is that more efficient that the ah kow in a chinafied grocery store that can deliver 1 tong of gas in 1 hour? I dont get it. In the name of the cyberworld and where everything is computerized, I have more emails flying here and there trying to figure out who to deliver the actual goods to me. In the midst of all the chaos, the IT helpdesk has the cheek to INFORM me that they are closing my ticket because in THEIR dept, in terms of getting the other party to acknowledge that an order is already in place, it's a done deal and they can close it. I was like 'HULLO, I still don't have the monitor........" As far as I'm concerned it's all CYBERTALK! talk cock indeed. Wtf. we're better off with the ahbeng in Lowyat.

Pah's Getting Married!

Finally, Pah's getting married this weekend! Although Tih's not here but Tih's been getting updates from me, so you can imagine how excited we are over this. Yeah me, Tih and Pah go way way back.

Our friendship hit the high note (dont know how to describe it !) when we met up again in university. She was one of those who you can really connect on so many levels because we really 'grew up' together. I've seen her through breakups, graduation, working life, new life, being Mrs. Khor really, made me happy even seeing her trying on her evening gown. Weird right, but I guess that's what friendship does to you. :) She also saw me through some of the happiest and worst time of my life.

She's going through the same jitters and worry right now in preparation for her big day tomorrow. Although I do think she's way more calm and less kelam kabut. If you're reading this Kye, think of the bigger picture, there's more to life after the whole ordeal! It will make the nitty gritty details seems insignificant. Embrace the new life as Mr and Mrs Khor! Congrats!

Friendship at Work

I was just reading an article the other day about sustainability at work and how important friends/peers are at work. I could not agree more. It's also our natural instinct to find our niche group when we are at work. People you can connect with and most importantly, people that you trust. And when I say trust, there are many levels of trust that is REQUIRED at work.

I looked back on my previous employments and realize that the friendships I built over the years were great, although not all of them lasted, and some of them went bust immediately as soon as I left the company. I guess it's inevitable. Think about it. As the article points out, the most common topic is about the boss! Or the management.

Nevertheless, it's hard to be a lone ranger at work. I never want to be that lone ranger just because I'm the type who looks forward for lunch and would at my utmost gather people to lunch with me. Dont get me wrong, I can eat alone as I used to eat alone not by choice. But why be the hermit if you can lunch with others. It's sometimes a MUCH NEEDED break from the hustle and bustle in front of the idiot screen (the pc monitor is the idiot screen for me). I need people time after too much of virtual 'interaction' on the internet.

Of course there are some who prefer to be hermits, and if so, let them be and dont try to bug them because everyone has to respect that. Some people just prefer to be private and because some of us spend almost 10-12 hours at work, so maybe they just need their space. Unfortunately there are some bosses who force you into situations where you have to interact involuntarily, I mean why? I understand the need to be visible at work, but what works for you may not necessarily work for another.

Has anyone build a friendship with their boss?? There is always an unsaid barrier. I don't know sometimes if it warrants to be called a friendship. I know there is always mutual respect (well, not all of them!) and sometimes some paranoia from either party! I know none of my bosses have made it on my facebook, that's for sure! But then again, I know some people who are not really 'friends' on facebook , but that's a whole other topic!

I do have friends at work that I hold dear too, although it saddens me that sometimes friends at work come and go, but the least I would do is to stay optimistic. Not all friendships are meant to be, and not seeing them everyday at work doesn't mean the friendship is bust.

Pet Peeves

1) People who don't pay attention

2) People who do not queue

3) People who interrupts you when you're speaking

4) Chinese people who speak Cantonese/Mandarin even though there are people of different races in the group.

5) Judgemental people - who judge too quickly. What you see is not necessarily as what you think.

6) Dirty toilets and wet toilet seats (cmon)

7) Poor customer service- whether banking, restaurants or mobile service provider etc. but I think i've learnt to come into terms with that. :)

8) People who are self centered. Usually these people also falls under #1 and #3 because chances are they dont pay attention to what you're saying hence would keep interrupting you when you're trying to convey something.

9) HYPOCRITES. HYPOCRITES. HYPOCRITES.

10) Verbal Abuse. Form of abuse without inflicting physical pain but can cause long term psychological damage.

Omission is a form of Betrayal

Years ago, I wrote about this, about how omitting the truth is also a form of betrayal. Recently a good friend of mine reminded me of that again. He has is already attached but has a reputation for being really popular with the ladies at work. I've known him for a while and knows that he flirts harmlessly although he denies it and says he treats all of them as friends. HAHA. I then pointed out that he treats me as a FRIEND and not the rest, oh no. I also pointed out that if truly he treats them as friends, then why's he TRYING so hard to justify it to me. (we have a friendship setting that allows me to question him like this :))

I guess that caught him a little bit, that yes, it may be harmless flirting, but he's leading them on nevertheless. And while he's doing all this, the trusting girlfriend suspects nothing. And yes perhaps things that you do not know doesn't hurt you, it doesn't make it right either.

And mind you, just days ago he was telling me about his indecisiveness to take the relationship further by tying the knot. And so I've pointed out that let's work on you giving up the whole 'forest' for one single tree first before you worry about anything else.:) We've already established that the girl is the ONE for him, but is he the right one for her. Just because she is unaware of his 'activity' at work, it doesnt mean it's alright. If I knew my husband is flirting with other girls and forming a reputation for that on top of it all, I would be very disappointed.

Any relationship is built on Trust. Let's get that right.

The Zen Me

Recently I had a conversation with a colleague of mine. She's a real talent but sometimes can be perceived as too ambitious, but really I dont think there's anything wrong with that. In fact I told her to just be herself and not to worry too much. Although I did say at times being too much of a perfectionist can sometimes backfire. Especially if you're a leader, while trying to seek perfection from your team, there should be a balance in matching every individual's wants & needs, and interest. You can't force your level of perfection on others. In short, as what Tache always say, if you can't change the world, change yourself. I hope she took my advice well, as I do see she has potential, just that she's pissed off many people along the way and in my opinion, really unintentionally. Life's a bummer, right?

She did however pointed out that I am a real optimist, always seeing the good in everything. See there was something she did that may have pissed everyone, but not me, as I thought it was not entirely her fault. I guess she knew I didnt think of her that way hence we talked about it. Well, I mean, what's wrong with giving people benefit of the doubt. Nothing to lose mah. And I'll rather not harp on who's to blame but rather what to do next? She thinks that because of my demeanor, people tend to relax around me and confide in me, and that I bring out the zen in others (Wow....hahaha). Which was why some of our colleagues are close to me, in which she says that it is an advantage. If I'm ambitious, then it'll work out for me because no one would suspect anything and take people by surprise. If i'm not ambitious, well I'll just breeze through work and have lots of friends and support along the way.

Fortunately, I'm not really ambitious, although I do want to excel in what I do, I dont really think too much of it. There's really more to life and I want to make sure I dont miss out on the other good stuff. She thinks I have potential to go further, but really to be honest, it's not the first time I hear this, but I'll rather keep a low profile, because I think that's the key to survival. I'll rather be happy going to work and be left alone to do my work. Everyone measures job satisfaction differently. You may think I'm too complacent, but then, why not?

News

This week was full of news. Good and bad. But I dont think it is bad news as it's always good to know and find a solution rather than sweeping it under the carpet. That's what Mom said. It's amazing what our family has gone through over the past decade that nothing fazes us anymore. It is a test of faith and we just need to move along and confront it with a smile really. Although there are some of us in the family who cannot do anything, it's really alright because sometimes a little support is all one needs. Afterall we are not the one who has to go under the knife. So just move along and not fret over it. It is life and no point to be miserable about it.

Mom and dad are amazing. As sis broke the news to dad, he was calm as usual. I then broke the news to mom and she was objective, only asking when does sis need her, not bothering with the details of the medical complications. She said "ahhh, we've been through similar crisis, you guys gotta give me more credit, I can handle anything...hehe". Sometimes we forget mom's a trouper. Tache seems fine (maybe that little episod you had over new year was timely!) and crazily she reminded me of mom - being objective about it all. So anyways, I remember she once told me that if you can't change the world, change yourself! or change how we react to things.

So here's wishing Alvyn all the best. We may not be able to do anything but we support you! Just focus on taking care of yourself, because taking care of yourself means taking care of your family. Good Luck!

Staying Positive at Work

Easier said than done really but I think it's really mind over matter at times... (unless everyday you feel like killing yourself or someone or everyone at work!). I tend to make it a point to LOVE going to work every morning. I love it that in the mornings I'm the first one there for the normal day shift. There are those from the night shift that would linger on and I'll chat with one or 2 of them. It's also my quiet time to catch up with emails while having my morning drink. Well I start at 7am and people only start trickling in at 9am! so it's a good 2 solid hours of power hour just replying or doing some work quietly.

I spend my mornings also catching up with colleagues even if it's just a short chat. The morning drags on until 11am and I'll be anticipating lunch! Nowadays it's just bread or a snack at the panty, but you know, we need that short break. Talk cock sing song or just to have a meaningless chatter at lunch is really rejuvenating. A break from really serious stuff.

Because not long after that, it's power hour in the afternoon. My afternoons tend to be short since I leave at 4 or 4.30pm. I make it a point to go home ontime because really there's no point in dragging work till late evening when you're out of focus and feeling HUNGRY. Anything can wait till the next day really. One more email is not going to make any difference!

And that's how I stay positive at work. Friends, endless chatter (this has worked in all my jobs!), lunch, and in general just make every hour worthwhile so you dont have to stay till late evening.

Idealism

A friend of mine today asked me if she is being too idealistic at times ..to a point she's losing realism of things. But why, I ask her? It's OK to hold on to your idealism.... We need that sometimes. And whatever that keeps you going, you should keep it.

Many times, I hear people who says they are jaded. That oh, they are too old for that kind of idealism, that they are living in the 'real' world. But, really, I don't think there's anything wrong with being naive at times. Ask stupid questions if you have to. It's better than not to ask at all!

It's Ok to think corruption is bad and that you wish things were better. It's really better than just accepting it. Really, one day are we going to be so jaded that we're going to walk away when we see wrongdoings right at our face? Just dismiss it that oh, that's the real world we live in....I mean no wonder Malaysia is in the state that it's in. People just sit down there and criticize Dr M for trying to have a national car for Malaysia, but hey, at least he had a dream. At least he had an idealism, of what Malaysia could be.

I told my friend to hold on to it. It's OK and it's what keeps us motivated. People who are jaded I think are just lazy at times. Yes some thinks it's being realistic, but there are some who just can't be bothered even though they can do something about it. Now that's just sad.

Child Abuse

In UNICEF today, I heard them say that child abuse is not only abuse in a physical form but also mentally and emotionally. Some people that I see verbally abusing their child but sadly, they do not realize it is a form of abuse! Humiliation is one of it. Intimidation and dismissing a child is also a form of abuse.

"Emotional abuse can be the most difficult to identify because there are usually no outward signs of the abuse. Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause damage just as physical abuse does."

Perhaps Asians do it so often that they dont realize it. But how many of you have witnessed verbal abuse in some form here? Like telling a child that he would never amount to anything, dismissing a child whenever he attempts at anything because well, he's never done good in anything so why should it be any different now?, or ignoring a child's opinion disregarding his take on anything, bullying the child by jeering and throwing insults at him (sadly, I do sometimes see this, why? ).

Look around you, and stop verbal abuse.

Responsibility

It is such a big and serious word. It's something we Asians are proud of, that we carry that in WHATEVER we do. Whether in performing our duties as first a child, a student, an employee, an employer, a father/mother as we live. We try to fulfill to our best what we define as a responsibility.

But when do we stop? It's a fair line, I'd say between responsibility and a doormat. Some people take advantage of you, and sometimes even your relative or family can do that to you too. I've always believed that even if someone is taking advantage of me, depending on how severe, and if it's part of fulfilling my responsibility, JUST DO IT. Because I have faith in god and that god is watching over us anyways. And now you'd ask, how to just the severity of it. If it was just for a meal, heck, it's Ok. If we're talking about millions of dollars and I can afford it, WHY NOT.

But if someone is manipulating your sense of responsibility to their full advantage, to help to upkeep their lives...and to obviously make a fool out of you, well then maybe it's time to call it quits. I'm thankful that my parents have never made me feel that I am forced to fulfill my responsibility, the way that they have treated me, it's an honor for me to be able to take them out for dinner, to buy them something/anything just because they've never ever wanted anything from me. I've never felt that I was burdened or that I'm carrying a weight of responsibility. Not many people know what a luxury that is. That's because I know some people who hold their kids ransom just because they think they reserve the rights to do so as the people who brought them to life in this world. A friend of mine said he's never asked to be brought into this world, and so why should his parents think that he has to fulfill his duties as a son. That's really not a filial thing to say. But matters of the heart is complicated. he cannot control how he feels and you can't tell someone you CANNOT feel that way.

For this, I'm thankful. And some parents do not know that the more they push the child to feel responsible for them, the more they shy away from them.

Us and Technology

When you want to organize a party...

Put up a facebook invitation. I know it's not cool to invite someone to a wedding via facebook invitation, but it's good to be used as a tracker I think. Just so you dont miss anyone out. But a personal call I think is still necessary. Keep the brotherhood and sisterhood alive!

When you want to call someone..

It wasn't good enough to be able to just make a phone call, it had to be via a mobile phone, facebook, iphone, whatsapp. I remember I had to locate a relative about a death in the family, and because his phone was switched off while in the US, i had to facebook his SON. it took 1 week of calling, and finally 1 day via Facebook to locate him. When I initially started using ICQ, then MSN Messenger, I thought wow, the world is flat. Then we have Skype, gChat, etc, and now my office Communicator I can make calls and people can call me via the communicator without having a phone at all. But I dunno about you, but we're so accessible these days, that I secretly switch off everything at times. I dont switch on my fbchat....or my messenger anymore, and only gchat occasionally. the office communicator is enough to keep me busy and that's not something i can opt to switch off unfortunately!

When you want to have a face to face meeting...

It used to be when we had to set up a f2f meeting, brave the traffic jam and get to someone's office. I missed that really, despite the jam. Nothing like interpersonal touch. Now, we have to skype, video conferencing, livemeeting etc, and if all fails, just do a conference call? It's been years of working really in a virtual environment but I never got the itch off wondering how the other person in the other side of the world looks like. Hey this also reduce travel :( at work.

When you want to find a restaurant to eat...

We used to rely on word of mouth, calling someone "eh tell me how to get there". Now we have food blogs to do research, iPhone apps to read reviews...GPS to take us there. I was eating at a restaurant yesterday and Andrew was pissed off because of the portion served was really small, and it was highly recommended by food bloggers (WTF) , overrated, and we went to the one next door which was our favourite. Anyways, Andrew immediately commented via an app called Foursquare to review (i know, i should ban iphone-ing semasa makan soon). There's no chance to be shortchanged these days, but then you get dumbo, blogging-for-money idiots who has no whatsoever culinary sense. Hey someone should blog about these stupid food bloggers. I understand disclaimers that it's based on individual's taste, but cmon, Coffee Chemistry in Giza? Betty Midwest Kitchen in Aman Suria? gosh.

For travelling purpose...

I used to rely on wikipedia and Lonely Planet and all sorts of guide books for information. Nowadays, because we're so busy, all research done is really last minute, and only when I actually get on the plane that I have a blank mind to finally go with full force on a holiday. So, with technology actually, it has been so much more convenient to check for info, either via GPS, or via iPhone apps, or via internet cafes/kiosks that are everywhere in any country. No more heavy books!

And so, there are pros and cons. But embrace technology if it makes sense. But what makes sense is subjective to the individual. E.g. I dont sms or fb my mom. She smses me one liners at times. "come for dinner", and I'll call her back. My dad's a little bit more technology savvy so I read his blog and smses him. hehe. But we make it a point to see them FACE TO FACE every week. The presence is important. I dont like my coffee-of-the-day with imn and eva virtually :( because there's nothing like a live gossip! So same as work life balance, we need to have a life techno balance. It that makes sense at all. Haha.

worryWart

Well into my early 30s....it has got me thinking about a lot of things. Weiyi used to say that i'm a worry wart. itulah inilah..etc etc. Because of this I bulldozed through many things telling myself that really I worry too much about things I can't control. I'll be 40 by the time I make any decision at all!

And so, I've pretty much organized the whole wedding trying not to be a control freak. There were hits and misses but I'll rather remember the hits (that's what emelda advised me , thanks!). I was worried too about being married and not able to spend CNY with my parents. I guess I didnt give Andrew enough credit :), we're going back to my hometown for reunion dinner alternate year. He thought all that out even before me.

I also bought a car last week. I've never been the type who would change car like tukar baju. I was willing to hold on to my Kelisa as long as it is still (barely) in one piece! But my BIL called me and said he got a great offer for a 2nd hand car, and the fact that I drive to Cyberjaya (quite bahaya also le, driving that little kelisa weaving through the highway), and that my car is already 9 years old! If i waited any longer, I wouldnt be able to sell off my Kelisa. And so, without even seeing the car (putting a lot of trust in my dad and BIL judgement) i decided to just take the plunge.

I guess my mantra being turning 40 would hv to be stop worrying too much and just take the plunge. The question of having a child is inevitable. And I'll have to ask myself what's stopping me. I have enough love and support to take me through really. IN particular a friend of mine, I could see her maternal instincts kicking in already, even before she has tied the knot!) incredible what aging can do....

There are always challenges ahead, it sounds really corny, but with determination and faith, things always seems to work out right.

Vocal

Where I work now, visibility is everything. Everyone has to be vocal. And you want to be heard. But...there are some who just want it more than others. So people end up trying too hard. If you speak for the sake to be heard, then, you're insulting the rest of the people's intelligence. Because we know why you do this. But be visible for the right reasons.

The King's Speech

After watching 127 Hours, Black Swan, The Social Network....The King's Speech is definitely my Oscar pick. Totally impeccable acting by Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush and Helen Bonham Carter. I'm beginning to like these kinda movies that does not depend on a lot of visual effects (*ala michael bay*), simple plot (unlike the tourist *puke*), and really just pure good chemistry and momentum of the movie. Colin Firth was my favourite in this movie. Try and stammer like him, you'll know he definitely deserves the Best Actor award!

Junie

We just did her farewell in PD last week. She's leaving for Munich real soon to tie the knot with a great guy, and I'm really happy for her to have at long last find someone she loves, and to spend the rest of her life with. Sounds corny, but really that's how I feel, only because we've been friends for too long, that I know it is probably the biggest decision she's ever made.

And yes, we've been friends since in the kindie. Gosh. Then in primary school, we were in separate schools, but were reunited in secondary school (yar, Ipoh is that small!, we all eventually wind up together no matter how far we go). And our friendship has had ups and downs, just like any other, but I guess it's what that strengthens a relationship I think. There's no way we could have survived nearly 27 years (gulp) of friendship without a tiff or two. I've not always have spent more time with her as growing up I've gone on to separate college and university etc.

You see, she's lost her mother in her teens, and I guess I was too young to fully understand the impact it had on her. She recently told me, she envies me for the littlest things, I have my mother to consult on delicate issues, and sisters to share things and do things together, simple things like shopping! I guess we've always taken that for granted. She said she's always relied on friends for that kinda things, and well not all friends are free what with some being married, or attached or having their own family outings. You know, having a mother and a united family is really crucial when you have a wedding lined up, and I've learned to appreciate that from her.

I try to be that friend, and really it's good to be on the giving end. But recently I've also been on the receiving end from her. Not so much material or monetary wise, but just her support throughout the wedding preparations and just taking the stress out of everything by just being there and organizing things. I'm gonna miss that dearly. I'll miss her drama and opinions in choice of restaurants...in food, in clothes, how she always tells me to stop HUNCHING. haha.

There's really a lot of good qualities in her that she probably doesn't realize, take for example being sensitive to her friends needs... It's quite rare because everyone's so self-centered! Also the fact that she makes the effort to get to know someone's other half. You know half the time, the other halfs kena dragged to some outings, and really it's rude not to try and layan them, and really June does it so well. Definitely CORP COMM material! I'm kinda glad she hits it off so well with Andrew, kind of a great integration of great friends and the spouse. And you know, she's the kind of friend who's always upfront and REAL. I can always rely on her for a brutally honest opinion. No buttering up the truth. That's the kind of friend you want to hold on to.

I wish you the best June. By the time you read this, you'd be in Munich, but here's my way of celebrating our long friendship. auf Wiedersehen!

The Town

Great heist movie directed and co-written by Ben Affleck. Excellent script and the momentum of the movie is commendable, only because I've not seen one of such in a long time. Ben Affleck delivered one of his best performance I think, and check out Rebecca Hall, she's a looker, gives you the young Andie McDowell feel!

Kyra

Oh..it's my favourite (only!) niece's 5th birthday today. Still remember the first time I saw her was in the hospital in Singapore. She was a big girl and had a lot of hair. She had long fingernails and was scratching herself a lot, so she wore mittens most of the time. She wasn't really a fussy baby if i remember correctly. I remember how she used to hold her own bottle and always smiled. A happy baby for sure!

She's 5 today. What a nice little addition she's been in the family. She's a smart fella and have not failed to amuse me time and time again. Like how she always imitate imn (with the finger up her nose) still. Or when she'll pull her tongue out at me when no one's watching. I remember my days in Jakarta, while it was pretty good money but it was also godawful lonely at times being away from the family, and I always waited in anticipation for my sister to update the babybandit blog. After a while, I even shared it with my other Malaysian colleague because it's such a joy to see her growing up.

Thank god for facebook now. Because my sister has stopped updating the blog. (how horrific, it's like missing pages of babybandit's life!). So I get my updates on her via facebook these days. She recently did some nice drawings which I shamelessly shared with my new colleagues and my boss! Haha! She's not my kid but I'm so proud of her though.

The best drawing yet was the one she did for me and Andrew. Wow. I thought I'll have the heart to throw it away, so asked Andrew if he'll help me throw it away. But he said "huh...keep ler... !" And so now it's sitting somewhere in my house.

So here's a big big happy birthday to my niece. and may she grow up to be the princess that she is.