On our beloved roads ....

Real experiences in the Pearl of the Orient .... what drivers do and what they're thinking.

- Driving on the line, neither on the left lane nor the right lane. EXACTLY in the middle.
What island dude is thinking:
1) Hmmm ... both lanes going at the same pace now, nevermind I drive in the middle first, then if got faster lane, I'll can switch fast fast.
2) Hami su? Got 2 lanes meh?
3) I'm in front mah, the car behind won't hit me wan.

- Turning left VERY SLOWLY onto a busy road, normally with pretty wide lanes.
What island dude is thinking:
1) If I turn VERY SLOWLY, hug the sidewalk and keep my fingers crossed, they won't hit me.
2) In my island, the number of lanes are depicted by the number of cars that can squeeze through it, all my friends know it, so eh sai la.

What's your cool job?

"So, what do you do?"
"Oh, I'm into research"
"Oh cool, what kind of research?"
"I'm being researched ....."

I'm trying to compile a list of the coolest jobs in the world ... or so I think it is. What are yours? Comments welcome.

- Dolphin trainer
- Paparazzi for Brad Pitt ... or Prince William ... or Beckham ... (you know it's a female writer when ...)
- Professional food taster ... or wine taster ... or beer taster :)
- Professional gamer
- The person who designed the pink ipod
- National Geographic photographer
- Theme park designer
- Astronout ... I believe the moment you see the earth from outer space, it'll change you forever ...
- Writer ...in sharing your wildest imagination, experience and thoughts

more to come ... when inspiration hits again ...

run run run

The art of word-repeating has been prevalent in the Malaysian conversation since who-knows-when. Perhaps when the British came and the Chinese-Malaysians tried to speak English? I'm sure this art form has some heavy Chinese influence. The following are some common usage and my attempt to clarify them.

(1) Dude says, 'When I saw the dog, I run run run run until I cannot see the dog anymore'. That means she kept running, this is a continuous act i.e. no stopping. Remember she DID NOT STOP, else it would be 'I run stop run stop'.
(2) Dude says, 'I talk talk only'. This means that he is only expressing his opinion and that you should not take it seriously. Note that 'talk' is only repeated twice and it's followed by the word 'only'. Similar example: 'I play play only'. If the verb is repeated more than twice and is followed by the word 'until', as in example (1), for example 'I talk talk talk until they cannot talk'. Again, this means that he was talking continuously.
(3) 'Can you do this for me?' 'ok ok ok ok' - Repeating number is unlimited. By repeating 'ok', we are stressing that this is a high priority and that we will do it ASAP.

more examples to come ...

A penny saved ...

A penny saved is a penny earned? I beg to differ. Mum always say that I must have some cash in hand for 'the rainy day'. Yes but can that justify letting your cash just sit there & lose value everyday due to inflation while you keep fueling your mortgage interests every month?

The asians, especially the older generation still do not believe in investing their money. They would say, if you can make money from investments then there would be a lot of rich people in this world ! I ran out of 'yeah-buts' .....

That's business

People always say you shouldn't work for money but let money work for you. Or use other people's money work for you. Or don't work for people but let people work for you. But how? In a way, here's how.

friend going thru a breakup?

1. Do not ask subject to NOT FEEL SAD. Breaking up is not a HAPPY event, with balloons and confetti, is it? Why can’t subject MOURN a little huh? HUH? In fact, you should be worried if subject is unusually happy.. probably gone nuts.

2. Do not ask subject to GET OVER IT or MOVE ON. Not at this moment anyway.. if subject still goes on and on about the ex after a whole year , then YES.. ask subject to get a LIFE or another playmate..

3. Do not ask subject to SLEEP and the mother-of-all advice: “GET SOME REST”. How can subject bloody sleep and rest? Subject should instead be going out, getting a haircut or something. Do something. Try to get subject’s mind off the whole thing. Yes, it’s a little like denial but gotta get subject to stop remembering stuff done with ex even for a little while, rite? Plus, all the vanity junk may actually be therapeutic.

4. Do not ask subject to refrain from doing anything stupid like getting drunk. Why can’t subject get drunk? If anything, the moment subject wakes up (with the realization that subject has had subject's head the whole night in the stinking toilet bowl or something equally gross) it will hit subject that nothing is worse than that. Hence, we hope subject will do a better job of picking himself/herself up.

5. Do ask subject to get a clean break up. Nothing is worse than having all this hang ups later because your ex broke it off via a messenger or emails.. Some dumb ass break-up method like that. Or if there are still things subject needs to know from ex, or subject needs to say to ex.

6. Do not ask subject to ask the ex's friend to pass on messages to ex. Nothing’s worse than having busybody friends thinking they are helping subject but indeed, I bet they quite enjoy it. I bet they secretly gloat that “hey, you didn’t think it would last, did you?” Instead, subject should thrash things out with ex ALONE. Ask the rest to mind their own beez-wax.

If all of the above fail to get SUBJECT out of his/her misery.. what can you do? Ask subject to fly kite or something.. plenty of fishes out there ok? Will die without a mate issit? Yes, so Malaysia has limited QUALITY other –halves.. what can SUBJECT do? MOVE out of MSIA.. what else can subject do? I don’t know frankly.. breakups are hard as it is. We should just have everyone’s “resume(s)” somewhere, filter them out like in SAP, and choose the criteria you prefer in a mate. The rest can become “inactive” because nobody has "ordered" them or have them become “obsolete”, ie get this CRAP out of my face..

Sorry, this is a fake counter ....

It's tax season now, and they set up an e-filing scheme so that I can file my tax online. First, I need to obtain a Digital Certificate Registration Slip. You can get it (1) through the nearest branch, or (2) through email. Guess which one I picked? ... of course the fake one. That's life m'dear - when things are too good to be true, chances are they're too good to be true. heh.

So I thought, right on .. we're finally developing! Of course, the one thing that the government would run properly is the rice bowl aka the tax department. Make sense. So I sent them an email on April 12 & waited & waited & waited. Hmmmm ... don't they want my money? not interested in my tax? Finally, they replied today!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dear Sir / Madam,

Your e-mail refers.

We wish to apologise to you, for not being able to process your application for Digital Certificate Registration Slips via e-mail ,due to overwhelming request of the slip via e-mails and fax , as well as the due date for submission is getting nearer (30 April 2006).

You are hereby kindly advised to obtain the Digital Certificate Registration Slip from the nearest LHDN Branch Office or from counters that have been setup for the Taxpayer's Service Month ( BPPC Counters / Outside Office Premise ).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

overwhelming request? .... Here's what might have happened:

- All of a sudden the population of our country seemed to have skyrocketed this year, darn. We can't handle all these requests! So, what do we do? Hmmm, lets chuck these applications away and get them to jam-pack our branch and parking lot & send in their applications again. Lets see if the population miraculously shrinks! Then we would be able to handle it.

or

- Yay, we've got ONE computer! Lets start an e-filing program. Ohno, overwhelming requests! The other people who handles walk-in applications are way across on the other side of the room. That's too far. I'll just chuck these applications and get them to apply again over there lah.

Oh yes, lets reply them a week later, when due date approaches ..... can relax first ....

An End Precedes A Beginning

Really, the end of something is always the beginning of another. It is okay to end a bad conversation just so that you have the next pleasant conversation to look forward to. Even at the end of a bad/good relationship, (Yes, good relationship ends too) it's just the beginning to your next ride, only this time you'd buckle up & drive carefully, or maybe pick a better batmobile. But somehow, you tend to pick the same kind of ride over & over again, why?

- You're familiar & comfortable with this batmobile 1978 model
- You know how to drive it
- It responds proportionally to your control (you know you're a geek when you write like this ..)
- There are minimum triggering uncertainties (now you're a geek ...)
- Its bucket seats feel so snug, you wonder how they got your butt mold - then you wonder, did they build this one just for you?
- It makes you feel good
- You don't get bored driving it
- It makes you happy
- It tickles you
- Heck .. Thats the only kind you like !
And so the list goes on ..

And when you crash this one, your journey stops. You'll see your friend chugging along in a realiable family wagon, passing you to the finishing line and you know she'll make it there. BUT you get to say .. 'Woohoo! What a ride!' ..... tihtahpah ...

Please stop the Cute Fad!

I would be the first to admit that i'm really no fan of the Cute/Kawaii culture i see flourishing ALL OVER the world. It's even mind boggling to me that the Cute Fad has even become a CULTURE. You feel and see the Cute Fad in the way people dress, in their homes as decorative piece, in the food we eat, and worse (the one i loathe the most) is the way girls talk! Migod..give me Garfield anytime !

I once knew this girl that i worked with in a restaurant- she was like big sized the typical ah-Lian type whose also loud-mouthed and real opinionated. I thought she had personality, even with the ah-Lianness, i thought she had spunk. But after a few HI-s in the mornings, she was really getting on my nerves! She'll walk in, give u a BIG CUTESY SMILE, with her right hand raised up to her forehead doing a peace sign, tilting her head slightly, attempt in a most unnatural cutesy voice saying HI! Geez, migosh, we're talking about a full grown 28 year old here. All I could croak was a mellow and dull G'morning. I hope we all agree that we should leave the 'I am so cute" phase to the tiny tots where it's rightfully theirs.

I feel i should add that the Kawaii culture was adopted from Japan..starting with the Hello Kitty fad. Yes, Hello Kitty is a giant, the most famous of the Sanrio characters- surpassing most beliefs that dolls are just for kidsplay. With careful publicity and few effective marketing strategy, Hello Kitty soon became an obsession not only to kids in Japan but also teenagers and 20-somethings. The most notorious story spun from the Hello Kitty fad was the Hongkong Hello Kitty Murder. A night club hostess was kidnapped and tortured for a month and then died of drug overdose. Her body was dismembered and her head stuffed in a Hello Kitty doll. . . . . . . Ain't so cute anymore, is it?????????

Last words...please refrain the cute fad in the preferably 0 -12 years of age. It should be maintained there! Its not cute anymore when 20 somethings attempt to pull a cute STUNT- its just pure irritation and eyesore and gutwrenching. Do me a favour, alright?

Contented Vs Complacent

I met up with a friend of mine on the chatline today. He's a dear friend, and we've been through a lot together. And at one point during our conversation, I told him that he has to be contented. I think he misunderstood it as being complacent. Contented versus complacent, it's a very different thing. Complacent is when you have done what you thing is the best you could ever do and that you are at that comfort zone where you just don't want to budge from. And contented just simply means being grateful for what you have and really living ITeveryday, appreciating life as it is. It's funny that I never used to be contented. Always full of rage, always thinking that life is unfair, nothing is the way I want it, everything gets in my way. I still think that way, at some point in life. But once disease-stricken, it really changed my views of life. There was a time when I feared that I would lose my voice and worse still, my sight. I feared that I would lose those simple virtues I have taken granted of. Then, I vowed that I would appreciate what I have, what I can see..and speech. I want to voice my opinion when I can, and when I can't, I turn to my journal.
I think we have to stop thinking how dreadful and miserable our lives are. It's terrible that we sometimes celebrate it. I think that's what my friend does. He celebrated the fact that his life is fucked up..and it dwells...and swells..and it overtakes his mind.
There's no clear path in our journey of life..but let's decorate the path, and take the path in a happier mode. Why choose to be SAD....

TihTahPah has a new home !

TihTahPah has found a new home !

I hope this new home will better assist us in publishing quality entries, giving you and ourselves an enchanting journey into the complex minds of 3 queer ducks. Our entries will be honest, very judgemental, insightful, extremely critical and analytical, straightforward yet mystifying. Enjoy!